So I've been a pretty "go-with-the-flow" type of mom: when Luke is hungry, I feed him; when he wants to sleep; I put him down to sleep; when he wants to play; we play. I do very strongly feel that any sort of "schedule" should represent the baby's needs and not something forced by the parent. So although Luke wakes up quite a few times at night, I've just been dealing with it and thinking "that's just the way he is" and "it won't last forever."
When Luke was about three months old, he started sleeping one longer stretch when he first went down for the night (about 5 hours: technically that is almost what is considered sleeping through the night), then he'd have another 2-3 hour stretch and another 1-2 hour stretch. It wasn't too bad at all, especially since he was going to bed about the same time I was so that 5 hour stretch was sleep I was also getting.
I'd heard of the four-month sleep regression and Luke's four month birthday hit while we were in Texas for the holidays. So part of the way through our trip, when Luke started waking up more often at night, I just figured it was this sleep regression combined with our major change in routine.
Now it's almost two months later (Luke will be six months old next week) and it seems like his waking up at night is getting even more often. And it's not just the switch to the crib; he was doing this while he was still in the bassinet in our room. Now a long stretch for him is 2 hours, possibly 2.5 hours. But it's more usual for him to wake every 1.5 hours. He does seem hungry (he nurses right away and I can definitely hear him swallowing), so I always feed him and he goes right back to sleep pretty easily. So although we're up quite a few times at night, it's never for very long (he's always been an efficient eater, finishing in 10 minutes). So although it's not great, it's also not as bad as I'm sure it could be.
I got a taste of that last weekend on Saturday and Sunday evenings. Instead of going right back to sleep after nursing, Luke had a few times where he woke back up almost immediately. At one point, as soon as I would put him back in the crib and crawl back into bed and pull the covers over myself, he would start crying again and I'd have to get back out of bed and rock him. On Monday I could tell that I was feeling the effects of sleep deprivation because my patience was wearing super thin and I found myself getting irritated at the slightest thing (I tried my best to keep from showing this irritation to Luke, but I'm sure he could tell). I went to the mall, thinking that getting out of the house would be good, but that turned out to be a mistake as then I just got irritated with the stroller and the car seat and the pacifier clip and running into racks in Kohl's with the stroller and everything else. So I just went home. Fortunately Luke took a long afternoon nap that day and although there were things I needed to do, I didn't care and I napped with him. I don't think that I actually slept the whole time, but I at least was lying down with my eyes closed and resting. And when Luke and I got up, I felt so much better, so it was definitely a good idea for me to have napped.
Now, Luke did have a stuffy nose (and I know that he's teething, although still no actual sign of a tooth yet), so I'm sure that was what was causing his sleeplessness on those nights. But having this (though not as bad as those two nights) going on for over two months makes me wonder if it's a problem that needs to be solved or if this is truly just the way Luke is and something I just need to deal with. How can I tell? It's not really a problem until it becomes a problem. So has it become a problem?
I started looking at some various sleep books, something I didn't really want to do because I wanted to adapt to Luke rather than force Luke to adapt to some program from a book, especially since all the books seem to just contradict each other. I decided to try Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth because although he does use cry it out as a method, he offers alternatives to that method. (I'm against cry it out for us because first I know that I wouldn't be able to actually do it and second because it goes against my view of the type of parenting I want to follow, which is closer to attachment parenting.)
And I'm only a little over halfway through the book, but now I'm even more confused and worried. Apparently, according to Weissbluth, if I don't help Luke be able to self sooth and fall asleep on his own now, he could develop sleep problems when he is older, even into adulthood; he could also be more prone to issues such as ADHD. And as someone with sleep issues herself, that worries me. I'd love to be like J, who is able to fall asleep less than 5 minutes after his head has hit the pillow. But instead, I find myself unable to get my brain to just stop going around and around with various thoughts and relax into sleep. It usually takes me over an hour to get to sleep each night (although I'm getting better about it these days). I'd rather Luke be able to sleep more like his father than like me. But if his current habits are any indication, it seems that he's going to be sleeping more like me. So because of this book, I'm now starting to get ultra conscious about Luke's sleeping (including his naps) rather than the relaxed state that we had been in. And I do think that something needs to be done to help Luke fall asleep without being rocked and fall back asleep when he wakes up, but I'm not sure how to do it and I'm starting to feel a little stressed about it, which I know probably is not helping at all.
Now I don't expect Luke to sleep straight through the night. I'm breastfeeding and I know that he should have 1-2 wakings at night to be fed. My concern is that it is more like 5-6 feedings. (Although last night he woke only 4 times, so that was actually an improvement.) But is this something that he'll grow out of on his own or is it something that I need to actually do something about to help him? That's the real crux of the problem.
And it's even more confusing after I read an article that one of the moms in my Ravelry forum posted yesterday: Confession: This Pediatrician is a Sleep Softie. Here's a paragraph from this article:
"Our children have always had a reasonable bedtime (even if we ignore it sometimes), we’ve made sure their sleep is safe, and there has never been (or will be) a TV in a bedroom. And now that they are older, everyone sleeps just fine. But when they were little, it never really mattered to us whether they slept independently, or all night. We broke all sorts of 'sleep rules' on a regular basis."
So this mom (who is also a doctor) just attended to her children's needs and didn't worry about any sort of sleep training. And now they are sleeping just fine on their own. So perhaps soothing Luke myself right now instead of helping him learn to self sooth is not so detrimental as Weissbluth's book would have me believe.
She also writes, "Personally, I think that as a culture we are a bit too hung up on getting our kids scheduled and independent practically from the time they are born." And this is a statement I fully agree with, which has definitely been a key element in my style of parenting.
So whom do I listen to? What do I do with Luke's sleep? Except for those two days last weekend, I've been functioning okay with our current sleep routine (although of course I would welcome more sleep). Should I just keep letting things go on as they have? I have to admit that when I do go get Luke at night to nurse him and rock him back to sleep, he always gets a huge smile on his face when he sees me and that is almost enough to make me okay with missing out on my own sleep. Should I just gauge Luke's mood (which overall is very cheerful) and my own and if Luke seems to be more crabby, work more on sleep and if I seem to be getting crabby, make sure I nap when Luke naps? Or should I work through the non-cry-it-out methods in Weissbluth's book to help Luke be able to sleep more independently? Perhaps a balance between the two?
I'm not sure what direction to go, but as long as we don't have multiple days like last weekend, I'm doing okay. And Luke is happy and cheerful when he is awake so he seems to be doing okay, right? And although I know that I need to make sure I get sleep so I can be a good mom, ultimately, it's Luke that I'm most concerned about. And if his current sleep routine is working for him, then should I really be all that concerned? Is it even a problem at all?
No comments:
Post a Comment