Life with Luke: A Letter to My Son on His First Birthday

Dear Luke,

One year ago today, I held you in my arms for the first time. It wasn't the birth I had hoped for -- I ended up having an emergency C-section -- but once you were in my arms, all of the earlier part of the day faded away. I had dreamed about what you would be like during my pregnancy, having conversations with you both as your baby self as well as imagining conversations that we would have in the future. And now here you were.

I know people say that babies don't smile when they are first born and that something that looks like a smile is probably gas. But your daddy took a picture of me and you when we were preparing to leave the hospital that makes it seem like you are smiling up at me. Although I have many more pictures of you and many that I love, this is the picture that I adore the most. The way you looked at me showed me that you loved me and trusted me and I wanted to make sure that I did whatever I could to earn that trust.

How tiny you are!

A lot of that first month is a bit of a daze. Life became a blend of nursing you and holding you while you slept. The swing was a big help for when I need to put you down so I could take care of myself (shower, eat) or the house (do laundry, clean dishes). But I loved holding you and watching you sleep. I loved looking at you sleeping on Daddy (often he was asleep, too). We had waited a long time before we decided to have you, and you were worth the wait.

As the months passed, I started to see parts of your personality come through. You did seem to smile quite a lot and seemed to be a rather cheerful little guy. You were also curious about everything and once you were able to really start looking around at the world, you didn't stop. In many ways, this was a wonderful time because I loved watching you see the world, but it was also difficult because you would want to get to something that you saw but you weren't yet able to move, so you often got frustrated.

But once you figured out how to crawl, there was no stopping you. At first, you did an army crawl, pulling yourself along with your arms, but you started crawling on your hands and knees after a while. Either way, you got to be really fast and could cross the room in the blink of an eye. The cats had no chance. One of your favorite pastimes seems to be to chase one of the kitties and tackle him/her when you do catch up. You get a huge grin on your face as you do this. Many times you laugh, which is one of the sweetest sounds in the world.

Although you definitely have your moments when you are upset and you don't hesitate to let us know, for the most part you have been such a happy and cheerful little boy. Now that you are pulling up and walking with the aid of the couch or pushing a toy or really anything across the room, you get new delight in exploring the spaces you can reach now. Daddy and I have had to become very creative at making sure things are out of your reach, but you keep surprising us by reaching something new.

I know that you're going to take off walking on your own really soon and I think you'll be doing a lot of running. Today, you stood on your own for a few seconds before losing your balance, so I know that day of your first steps will be coming soon. And although I will always cherish the moments with you as a baby, I am loving watching you grow up and meet each new milestone. Exploring the world with you has been an exciting adventure so far and I know that it's just going to keep being exciting as you get bigger and start being able to do more and even start talking one of these days. Oh, the conversations we'll have. Will they be the same as the ones I imagined when I was pregnant with you? I have no idea, but I know that there will never be a dull moment and I know that your desire to explore your world will always keep me and Daddy on our toes.

I love you, my baby boy who is not such a baby anymore.

Mommy

Pictures from your first year: