Life with Luke: Three Months

Three months ago today, Luke was born. I'll start with the cliches: I can't believe how quickly this time has gone and I can't remember my life before Luke. Yes, they are cliche, but cliches become that way because they are usually true.

The last month has definitely had quite a few developments. We're sleeping a little longer at night (though still not sleeping through the whole night yet). Luke has grown even more: we're now into size 2 diapers (just have about 3-4 size 1 diapers left to use up) and it looks like he's outgrown most of his 0-3 month size clothing, so I'm pulling out the 3-6 month stuff now.

He also is really starting to grab onto objects. There's a ball that he seems to really like and he'll actually hold onto it with both hands, pull it up to his mouth, and even pass it back and forth between his hands. It's so much fun to see him interacting with objects.

And he laughed for the first time while he was awake! He's been laughing in his sleep (I really would like to know what he's dreaming about) for a few weeks now. J finally got to hear him do that as he had only been doing it while J was at work. But then J was tickling Luke the other day and there was a little laugh that escaped from him. It hasn't happened again yet (lots and lots of smiling though), but it was wonderful to hear it happen for the first time and I look forward to more laughter.

But the biggest change, which has really only been very recently, has been in his mental development. I can tell that he's so much more aware of his surroundings now. He's looked around before, of course, but now he really looks around at things (still a lot at the ceiling). I think he's even finally noticed the cats. It's getting harder to keep his eyes diverted away from the TV (no TV watching for him until he's 2 years old), so we've had to be a lot more careful about which way he's facing when we have the TV on. Although he still enjoys snuggling up against us, he now also wants to turn around and face outwards instead of always being pressed up against our chests. And although his attention span isn't really long, he's starting to actually look at the pages in books when we read them together, at least very briefly.

These developments are super exciting, perhaps just as much so to him as to me and J. So much so that Luke is just wearing himself out with looking around at everything that he doesn't want to go to sleep as much. And so he's getting overtired at times. And in the past few days, he's had some really big (for him) fussy moments where he just starts crying and it's not from hunger or needing a diaper change. Nope, he's just tired but doesn't want to sleep. I thought that his swing has been helpful in the past, but I'll just say that it's even more helpful now. When he's overtired like that, it seems like putting him in the swing is the only thing that will get him to settle down and get a little nap so that he's our happy little Lukester once again when he wakes up.

And I noticed the other day that he was really enjoying "standing" on my legs and bouncing/jumping on them. So much that he got upset when I stopped holding him up. So even though most jumperoos recommend being 4 months old before using them, on Monday evening, I ran to Target and got a jumperoo (which after being on sale, using a coupon, and using gift cards was quite a good deal). I put it together Tuesday afternoon. He's definitely too small for it, but by stuffing towels around him and stacking up blocks from his play mat under his feet, I was able to get him situated so he could actually use it. And use it he did. I could see his little brain working out that if he moved his legs this way or that way then he would get to bounce/jump around. I really watched to make sure he was holding his head okay (his head control is pretty good now but he does have moments where it flops). I didn't want him to use it for too long since I am still concerned about his head control, so I took him out after about 10-15 minutes. Instant crying. He was enjoying it so much that he was upset when I took him out. I got him calmed down (thank you, swing!) but it looks like the jumperoo was a good purchase, as long as he doesn't get too upset about not being able to use it for long periods of time!

So my little baby boy is developing and growing nicely. It's so exciting to watch him start to explore his world and I look forward to seeing his continued development.

Now for the other part of the cliche: I can't remember my life without him. That's not really true. I remember my life quite well before Luke was born. But I'm much happier with this new life than with the old. As I wrote in an earlier blog post, this is what I've been waiting for: being a mother. But I also wrote that I didn't think I could have been as satisfied with this life had we had a baby even just a couple of years ago. Getting all the experiences that I did before having Luke was very valuable for me to be able to focus so much on him now (not that I've given up everything that makes me who I am).

I've been thinking about this again lately because of some posts that I've seen on the What to Expect forums (I usually read those late at night during feedings because they always make me feel great about my own life since so many of the posters seem to have really screwed up lives). Several of the other August mothers are not happy with their new lives. One woman wrote that she wishes she had been able to have a trial run with a baby before getting pregnant because if she had, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant. She misses her old life way too much and resents the baby. Several moms agreed with her. Another woman (who is getting treated for postpartum depression but still is not doing well) says that she doesn't even like her son and just sees him as this inconvenience that she can't get away from. Reading those posts makes me feel so sad for those babies. They don't want to be an inconvenience. They don't want to ruin their parents' lives. They just want to be loved and held and fed and warm. Poor babies. I am so thankful that I have not have those feelings and that Luke does not have parents who find him inconvenient. I really don't understand how those moms can look at their babies and not just melt and fall in love and want to do anything to make sure the babies are well loved. I do hope that their feelings change as the babies continue to grow and that they are able to make peace with their lives and not always want to go back to life before the baby. But knowing that there are moms out there that feel this way makes me cherish my little boy even more and helps me to not take for granted what we have, especially me being able to stay home with him.

So on the eve of Thanksgiving, that's what I'm most thankful for: this healthy, happy little boy; a wonderful husband who is a great daddy and who agrees that me staying home with him is important and works hard to make that happen; and my own feelings that this life is so much better than what we had before (although I'm glad that we had that before life). No, we're not living a perfect life (I miss our family in Texas way too much for that), but I'm so thankful for what we do have.

Here he is back on October 24: