March 22
August 8
In August, we started taking our childbirth classes, beginning with breastfeeding and then going to the actual childbirth class. We also had a car seat inspection to make sure we were installing the bases and the seat correctly in both of our cars. On August 20, we had our baby shower (hosted and attended by wonderful friends who helped start the baby's library with some fantastic books). My MIL even came up for that weekend to attend the shower and left on Sunday (August 21). On Monday (August 22), we did our tour of the hospital delivery area. We knew we'd be back in the area the next day because I had my weekly doctor's appointment. Our newborn care class was coming up the following Saturday. We ended up actually taking our newborn to that class!
I missed my weekly doctor's appointment because I went into labor just over three weeks early. That Tuesday (August 23) morning, a little before 5 am, I got up for one of my many bathroom visits. Upon pulling back up my underwear, (sorry for TMI) I noticed that my panties were wet. I got fresh ones and almost as soon as I put those on, they were wet as well. At first I was worried that I had lost control of my bladder, but it turns out that my water had broken and it was coming out in a slow trickle. My contractions started about 30 minutes later. I didn't really have any "warm-up" contractions (or if I did, they were light enough for me to have slept through). When they started, they really kicked in and although I didn't time them precisely, they were already about 5 minutes apart at that point. I decided to let J sleep in just a little longer (his alarm usually goes off at 6:00) and I tried to remember what else I needed to put in the hospital bag (it was only half packed). I finally couldn't wait anymore and woke him up at 5:57. He helped me get a quick shower (although it was a rather miserable experience) and we finished up packing (except for his own hospital bag). We made it to the hospital around 7:00. It took a little while in the lobby before I was admitted (my pre-registration papers hadn't been sent in yet--in fact, they were in the mailbox to go out that day but I remembered and had J grab them from the mailbox before we left the house). I was clutching the counter, bending over and trying to get through each contraction.
I was sent to triage first where I was hooked up to a monitor. The contractions started coming faster. They determined that I truly was in labor (and about 3-4 cm dilated) so I was admitted to a room (the labor/delivery/recovery/postpartum all happened in the same room with space for a guest to sleep). The contractions just kept coming and I was finding it difficult to really concentrate on my breathing. And poor J kept trying to help me but I wasn't really letting him. Sorry, J!
I had recently decided that I really wanted to try to have a natural birth or at least hold out for an epidural as long as possible. I was concerned that often one intervention (epidural) would lead to another (pitocin) which would lead to another etc. until ultimately a c-section was the only option and I really didn't want that to happen. I had been reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth but I was just then getting to the chapter on actual childbirth so I didn't fully have the resources ready to help get me through the contractions without intervention to handle the pain.
And honestly, the pain of the contractions was bad, but I could have gotten through that. What did me in was just how close together they were. It got to the point where I had not even a minute of rest between contractions. Just as I would get to the point where I felt I could breathe a small sigh of relief, another contraction was coming. After something like 5-6 hours of just not having a break, I was exhausted and I was worried that at that rate, I wouldn't have enough energy left in me to actually push when it came time, so I broke down and asked for an epidural.
It was nice to just be able to relax after the epidural had been administered although I was disappointed that I wouldn't be doing the birth naturally. But I was still determined that no other interventions would be needed. Unfortunately, that wasn't the way it worked out. I got to 10 cm fairly quickly after that but the baby's heart rate had been dipping low every so often, although it did keep going back up. So I got ready to push. And I pushed. Gosh, it's hard to do it for a full count of 10 without breathing! But I really tried. The baby wasn't really coming out. The doctor had me get into a different position (on my hands and knees). I pushed some more. It was actually a lot easier this way and I felt confidant that now I would be able to do it. But the baby's heart rate dipped again and this time it didn't come back up. Because the baby was in distress, the doctor decided he needed to come out right away (the way he was positioned at the time was keeping him from coming out and causing more distress) so she said we needed to do an emergency c-section.
Before I really knew what was going on, I was being rushed to the surgery area (they left poor J behind wondering what he should do and where he should go). I was prepped for surgery and given more drugs through my epidural. Someone started poking my stomach to see if I could feel it. As soon as they poked without me saying that I felt it, the doctor started cutting. Eek! I didn't feel the cutting at all, but the tugging and pulling I definitely felt and it was really not a pleasant experience at all. I almost started crying right then because it was a horrid sensation and also I was realizing that this birth experience was not going the way I had wanted it to at all. But then they pulled the baby out and he cried right away. That was a wonderful sound, even though I couldn't see him.
J was finally able to get into the room after the baby had been taken out and put in the warmer area. I was being stitched back up and I do remember them bringing the baby beside my head and asking what his name was. Luke. Luke Alexander. Then he was taken away to get cleaned up and checked out. J was able to stay with him the whole time. I was taken to a recovery area. A nurse brought Luke over to me at one point for his first breastfeeding. I really don't remember it at all because I was still groggy from the drugs. I was also shaking uncontrollably and my mouth was so dry (and I had to wait until I got back to my room before they would allow me to have even ice chips). J and Luke went back to the room and I eventually got to go there. J witnessed his first bath and learned how to change his diaper. I unfortunately missed that experience, but I'm glad that J was able to be there. In fact, if it weren't for J, I don't know how I would have made it through because he really took over a lot of Luke's care in those days in the hospital while I was most bound to the bed recovering from the c-section. I think it really helped him to bond with Luke, so for that I am happy.
So although the birth experience was not what I had planned, it did end with a healthy baby boy and that's really all that is important.
August 23, 2011
1:53 pm
6 pounds
19 1/2 inches
[Note: I am backdating these early entries; this one was actually written on September 4]
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