10 Months Old Yesterday

Yesterday Luke turned 10 months old. I don't know why, but that just feels and sounds so much older than 9 months. Perhaps it is because it is the first time in the double digits. I'm not sure. I just know that this month, heck, this week, he's done a lot of growing up.

Up is the word here. He is pulling up on everything he possibly can lately. If it's just a couple of inches off the floor, he pulls up to a kneeling position. If it's any higher, he tries to stand. Just in a few days, he went from being very slow and cautious to pulling up really fast. He's also done some minimal cruising (along the couch). His balance still needs some work, but he's definitely making progress toward walking at a very fast pace. I'm not sure how long we have before he takes his first steps. It's exciting but scary at the same time.

And with crawling, he has gotten so speedy. He can move across the room in the blink of an eye. We finally put up the gates we had bought: in the kitchen doorway and in the doorway to the hall. I do find it annoying to have to open the gates all the time to go through, especially the one for the kitchen, but it is good to know that if my attention wanders for a minute, Luke won't be in the kitchen or down the hall before I know it. 

The cats, however, seem a bit mystified by the gates. We bought the low ones on purpose so they would be able to jump over them; however, they aren't doing it. They just stand on one side of the gate and meow. Merlin did jump over once to get out of the kitchen. And we have a small scratching post that we've put on the hallway side of that gate that Guenevere has finally figured out to use to jump onto and then over the gate. I'm hoping the cats will completely figure it out soon. Sam whines enough as it is; he doesn't need another reason to whine!

So my days lately have been spent letting the cats through the gate into and out of the hallway constantly having to get up and get Luke after he's crawled over to something that he shouldn't touch (my computer power cord, the cat scratching post, books on the bookshelf, DVDs, etc.), and making sure there is a pillow behind him when he is standing so if he falls back, he won't smack his head on the hardwood floors.

The other thing that seems to have shifted in the past week is Luke's sleeping routine. I noticed that he was not wanting to go down for his morning nap as early as usual (usual was around 8:30 or 9 and the past week it's been closer to 10). Then for most mornings he took a longer nap. That resulted in a very late afternoon nap (usually not as long). But then that started making bedtime difficult. He had been going to bed around 6:30 or 7. Last night he didn't go to sleep until 10. Eek! He was just wide awake and full of energy and didn't seem the least bit interested in sleep.

So today he took a late morning nap for an hour and a half. We decided to try skipping the afternoon nap. He got a little cranky around 5:00, but feeding him dinner seemed to help with that. Otherwise, he was just a ball of energy all afternoon. We got him ready for bed around 5:45 and after nursing and a little rocking, he fell asleep fast. I hope that he has a good long stretch of sleep (he's had a couple of 4-5 hour stretches this past week and last week he had a 7 hour stretch which is his longest ever).

Tomorrow I plan to try pushing the morning nap back a bit more (although that will depend on how he's acting) to see if one nap will work for him--but trying for an afternoon nap over a morning nap. This may mean that we're going to have to miss some upcoming playgroups (boo!) but it does seem like he's leaning toward being a one nap sleeper. We'll see what happens.

Here are pictures from yesterday:

And one from today:

First Visit to the Children's Museum

Some of the moms from my moms' group decided to take our kids to the Children's Museum in Indianapolis. I had been once before with my niece and nephew and remembered that it had been a lot of fun. I'm sure Luke will enjoy it even more when he's a bit older, but he seemed to have a good time anyway.

The drive down to Indy was uneventful. I was a little nervous as it was my first longer trip alone with Luke (usually if we go to Indy, I sit in the backseat with Luke in case he gets cranky while driving or also just to make sure he's okay). But all went well. He slept (I think--he was at least really quiet) for about half an hour.

Once we got to the museum, we met up with two other moms (another one joined us a bit later) and headed to the dinosaur area. We looked around at the dinosaur bones for a while. The dino dig area was under construction (drat!), but the dino baby area was fun. There were little costumes for the kids to put on and nest with dinosaur eggs in them to play with (or pose for pictures with). There was only one size small costume that we found, so the three kids had to take turns wearing it.

Photo courtesy of Tanya

With Claire and Abraham

Photo courtesy of Rachelle

After that we went to the train area. We got aboard a train car that had an area where the images in the windows moved to make it seem like the train was actually moving. We watched the trains go by for a little while and played at the train table (well, played for Luke means me trying to keep him from putting the train in his mouth).

Edited to add in: I forgot about the archaeology area! The main part we looked at was about the clay army and there was an area for the kids to "dig" on the wall to uncover "artifacts."

Photo courtesy of Rachelle

Off to the glass sculpture area, which had a place for kids to play with the sculpture--or really one made of plastic. They seemed to enjoy that. Then we went to watch the water clock change the hour. And that hour was noon so it was lunch time.

Photo courtesy of Tanya

After lunch we went up to the playscape area, which is for kids under 5 years old. We looked around at the various areas and ended up in the babyscape part which was just for under 2 year olds with areas to crawl around on that were padded. There were some stairs that led to a little covered bridge. Luke couldn't climb the stairs fully by himself, but once I helped him up the first step, he managed to get up the second one on his own.

Then there was the water play section. The water table was just a little too tall for Luke although there was one section that was a bit shorter. After he splashed around the water a bit, we went over to this big wall with magnets on it, some puzzle pieces and the typical letters and numbers. He sat there for a little bit and then we decided to go to the Lego area.

There were some really awesome things that were built and displayed there. It's really amazing what can be created out of those little blocks. One was a car that kids could actually sit in. Luke really liked that, especially spinning the steering wheel, and he wasn't too happy when I took him out so the other kids could have a turn in the car.

One final stop before heading out was the Hot Wheels exhibit. There were actual Hot Wheels as well as some life size cars. If Luke had been a little older, I think he would have had a blast playing with all the Hot Wheels tracks that were available.

We breezed through the gift shop. I picked up a toy car made out of recycled milk jugs (I just thought it was really cool and Luke likes playing with cars). Somewhere between the start of the skywalk to the parking garage and getting to our car, Luke fell asleep. I hated to wake him to put him in the car, so I tried to do it slowly and gently, but of course he woke up. And started crying. Hard. I guess I waited just a little too long before getting him in the car--he was definitely ready for a nap. And yet he wouldn't go to sleep. I think he finally may have gone to sleep about 20 minutes away from home.

He wouldn't go to sleep once we got home, so I'm hoping that means he'll be really tired and ready for bed (probably soon) and will sleep well tonight. At least I can hope. We'll see what actually happens.

9 Months Old Today

Luke is 9 months old today. I still need to get some pictures taken today and so I'll do that and post some after he wakes up from his nap.

He went to the doctor today for his 9-month checkup. I thought that it would be a super quick trip since he didn't have any shots to get, but we were there for an hour (mostly with waiting for the doctor and then the lab tech to come in). He didn't get shots, but he did have to get his finger pricked and blood drawn to run some tests. He did really well with the finger prick (no crying), but his blood didn't flow very fast so it took quite a while to get a full sample. He almost had to be pricked again but she was finally able to get enough blood.

But he has a clean bill of health and has been growing just fine. Here are his stats, with a comparison from his 6 month visit as well as the visit last month when we went in to check out his eczema.

Weight

6-months: 15 lbs 10 oz

One month ago: 17 lbs 4 oz

9 months: 18 lbs 6 oz

Height

6-months: 26"

One month ago: 27"

9 months: 28.25"

It seemed like he'd hit a bit of a growth spurt within the past month and the numbers definitely show that appears to have been the case!

After the doctor's visit, we went to the park to meet up with some of the moms/babies in our play group. It was such a lovely day and so nice to be outside for a while and interacting with our friends.

Updated 5/24 with pictures taken yesterday:

 

A Whole New World

On Tuesday evening (May 15), Luke crawled (army crawled) forward for the first time. He had been pushing up on his hands and knees and rocking for about a week and I knew it could be any moment when he would figure out that he could go forward. And indeed, it happened in the blink of an eye. One moment he was stationary and the next he was on the move. It was just before bedtime, though, so instead of seeing how much he could move, we had to get him ready for bed.

Wednesday was a busy day (I had my work day at The Craft House), so we didn't get a lot of crawling time in but he did get to do a little. Then came Thursday and much crawling time ensued. He seemed especially interested in some cables that were sitting on the floor alongside J's backpack. He would crawl over to them and J would pull him back. He would immediately start crawling right back over. He is definitely one determined little boy! I lost track of the number of times that he went over there only to be pulled back and have to try again.

So on Friday, I needed to get laundry done. Ha! That was definitely a new experience. The laundry machines are in the basement and with Luke's new mobility, I didn't trust leaving him alone upstairs on the floor while I was in the basement (which when he was still immobile, I would do). So he got to spend a lot of time in his jumperoo yesterday whenever I had to run downstairs for the laundry.

I think he's really enjoying this whole being mobile thing. He is able to get to the toys that he wants to play with and also to explore some areas that he hasn't been in before (and he has a fascination with J's backpack, which we keep having to pick up off the floor). I know that it's going to be a whole new world for me, too, as I have to keep more of an eye on him and can't run back to the bedroom quickly to get something. Oh, and it's a whole new world for the cats as well as he can now move toward them. They're learning already to move out of the way quickly although he has caught them a few times.

First Mother's Day

Today is my first Mother's Day. (Yes, I was pregnant last year and technically a mother, but I didn't fully feel like it "counted.") Mother is one of my new labels that defines who I am and I have embraced it fully. Although it is not the only label that defines me, it is my most highly valued one.

This part of my identity is one that brings tremendous joy but also sometimes tremendous pressure. There are so many parenting books out there that offer seemingly conflicting advice. And many of them basically say "if you don't do things this way, then you're dooming your child to become this." And then you look at the next book and it says something completely opposite. So what's a parent to do? It seems that no matter what choices are made, it's going to screw the kid up somehow. And I don't want to mess up Luke's life. And so there is stress.

But if there is so much conflicting advice, then why worry so much about parenting the "right" way, since there really doesn't seem to be a right way? And so I think about what I want to accomplish. I want Luke to grow up to be an independent man who is able to support himself who has close relationships with other people who enjoys his career and who is ultimately happy and content with his life. How to do that is the big question.

So I've thrown out all the parenting books and have made my parenting decisions based upon what I perceive to be Luke's needs, parenting by instinct and adapting to this specific child. I do look over bits of parenting advice and various studies, but my decisions are made less on the latest trend and more on this particular relationship with my son.

And these decisions do seem to match up at some points with the attachment parenting style, but I am by no means slavishly following that style. That means, for us, breastfeeding for as long as Luke still needs it, baby wearing frequently (although a lot of that is more for convenience, to be honest), not doing any cry it out, etc.

But then there are times, like this week, when this style of parenting comes highly under attack. I am referring to the Time magazine cover, which shows an almost-four-year-old boy breastfeeding in a very awkward and obviously staged photograph with a title that goes toward being offensive ("Are You Mom Enough?" implying that those who don't breastfeed their almost four year old are not mom enough). It makes those who follow attachment parenting seem to be almost freakish. And some of the comments I've read about people's thoughts on this cover and the implications are rather extreme and judgmental. It seems to be pitting mom against mom and that is something that shouldn't be. Moms should support one another in whatever parenting choices that they make (with the obvious exception of not supporting actual abuse), even if they disagree with them. Parenting is not a competition. And I'm sure that most moms want for their children what I want for Luke. And there's not just one way to get there. Sometimes I forget that and find myself making judgments about what other people do with their kids. But I try to remember that they are doing what they feel is best and they know their child(ren) best. And some of them probably don't at all agree with decisions I am making. And that's okay.

So this morning, I read an article in Reader's Digest. It's an excerpt from a book by Kate Stone Lombardi called The Mama's Boy Myth and it echoed some of the thoughts that have been swirling in my head and also made me feel better about some of the choices I am making in Luke's life. Here's the article:

"Suppose I told you that I am very close to my son, Paul. That I love hanging out with him, and we have dozens of inside jokes and shared traditions. Even though we speak frequently, I get a little thrill each time I hear his signature ringtone on my cellphone. I confess that Paul is so sensitive and intuitive that he 'gets me' in a very special way. Are you starting to speculate that something is a little off? Are you getting uncomfortable about the kind of guy my son is growing up to be?

For generations, mothers have gotten the message that keeping their sons close is wrong, possibly even dangerous. A mother who fosters a deep emotional bond with her son, we've been told, is setting him up to be weak and overly dependent--an archetypal mama's boy. He'll never be independent or able to form healthy adult relationships. A well-adjusted, loving mother is one who gradually but surely pushes her son away, both emotionally and physically, in order to allow him to become a healthy man. Somehow when so many of our other beliefs about the roles of men and women have been revolutionized, our view of the mother-son relationship has remained frozen in time. We've dramatically changed the way we raise our daughters, encouraging them to be assertive, play competitive sports, and aim high in the educational and professional ambitions. We don't fret about 'masculinizing' our girls.

A father who flouts gender stereotypes and teaches his daughter a traditionally masculine task--say, rebuilding a car engine--is considered pretty cool. But a mother who does something comparable--like teaching her son to knit or even encouraging him to talk more openly about his feelings--is looked at with contempt.

Many mothers are confused and anxious when it comes to raising boys. Should she stop kissing her first-grade son at school drop-off? If she cuddles her ten-year-old boy when he is hurt, will she turn him into a wimp? If her teenage boy is crying in his room, should she go in and comfort him, or will this embarrass and shame him? Anthony E. Wolf, a child psychologist and bestselling author, warms us that 'strong emotional contact with his mother is especially upsetting to any teenage boy.'

However, research has shown the opposite: A study of more than 400 middle school boys revealed that sons who were close to their mothers formed stronger friendships, were less depressed and anxious, and earned better grades than their more macho classmates. Another large study found that boys 12 and under who weren't close to their mothers were more aggressive and hostile later in childhood.

It has been long established that teenagers who have good communication with their parents are more likely to resist negative peer pressure, but new research shows that it is a boy's mother who is the most influential when it comes to risky behavior, not only with alcohol and drugs but also in preventing both early and unprotected sex.

Finally, there are no scientific studies suggesting that a boy's sexual orientation can be altered by his mother, no matter how much she loves him.

With all the concern about boys falling behind girls academically, exhibiting more behavior problems, and going to college in falling numbers, why is mother-son closeness still so discouraged?

Boys need and want a close connection with their mothers. But the pressure for mothers and sons to disengage begins at a shockingly tender age, and the pressure escalates at every stage, until a mom actually begins to believe that the best kind of parenting she can offer is to leave her depressed, silent teenage son alone to work out his own problems. Heaven forbid that she threatens his masculinity by giving him a hug and trying to get him to talk about what's bothering him.

I am not the only mother who has rejected this kind of thinking. A great many mothers keep their sons close. For the record, Paul, a young man now, is self-assured and independent. He's more than six feet tall, plays ice hockey, has lots of male friends, and had a steady girlfriend in college. Yes, we have a tight connection, and my son is still OK. I'm tired of making excuses for our closeness, and I'm not alone."

My biggest thought upon reading this article is that what I want is to be close to Luke throughout his life but never to smother him. I want him to know that I will be there for him whenever he needs me, but I won't always be hovering over his every move. To be attached but also be our own people. And that's the idea that drives my parenting decisions, whatever they may be.

These are the random thoughts that have been running through my head lately and I'm sure will continue running through my head in the years to come. So on this Mother's Day, I hope that all the mothers out there will stop stressing about raising their kids in the "right" way and figure out what way is right for them. And don't judge other mothers who make different choices. And most of all just enjoy the relationship that you have with your child. It's an extremely special relationship and one that I didn't fully understand until I became a mother myself.

To my own mom: I love you so much and appreciate everything you have done for me. I don't know what parenting decisions you decided upon as I was growing up, but whatever decisions you made, they were "right" for me and for us because I've become the type of person that I hope Luke will someday be: overall happy and content with my life, independent but with close relationships, and a strong connection to my mom.

To my mother-in-law: I'm beginning to understand a lot more about the mother-son relationship and I thank you for raising your son as you did because he is a wonderful husband and father. And also a man who has a close and healthy relationship with his mother.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there.

First Trip to the Indianapolis Zoo

Over this past weekend (Thurs-Tues), my in-laws were able to come visit. It was so wonderful to see them and for them to be able to spend time with Luke. They hadn't seen him since Christmas, and he's definitely changed a lot in the four months in between! Their trip was over too quickly. It seemed like they had just gotten here when it was time for them to leave. But we did have a great visit and got to do some fun things while they were here.

One of those things was a trip to the Indianapolis Zoo. Although there is a small zoo in a park near where we live that we have taken Luke to a couple of times, I had really been looking forward to his first big zoo visit. We timed our drive to Indianapolis to correspond with his usual morning nap time and he did indeed sleep nearly the whole way there. We had him in the jogging stroller and it was really easy to get around the zoo that way. The biggest negative was that leaving him in the stroller meant that mostly his views were of the fence around each exhibit, so there was a lot of unbuckling and rebuckling that took place.

I'm not sure how much of the animals he actually really saw. I think that when they were moving, they caught his attention a bit more. The best part were the aquatic animals. When we went into the dolphin area, he was able to see the dolphins swimming by. And looking at the other aquariums inside the Oceans area was also a lot better for him. Unfortunately, we waited until the end before we were in that area, so he was a bit tired out by that point. But I think he did quite enjoy those animals.

There was only one negative experience. I could tell (as it was approaching lunchtime) that Luke was getting a little tired and probably hungry. We were at the Desert area. This area is a giant dome that lets in sunlight and heats up quite well for the animals inside. And heats up the people inside as well. I think that the addition of the extra heat at that point was the last straw and Luke got upset. We rushed out of the Desert area (completely missing the exit the first time so making a circuit that we didn't need to make and prolonging our time inside. Oops!) and looking for a place to sit down so I could nurse Luke. There was a cafeteria place with some indoor seating, so we went inside and made our way to a back table (here, the jogging stroller was not very convenient!). I started nursing Luke who eventually calmed down enough to nurse. He was doing a lot better after that, which is when we went to the Oceans area. So I think we'll skip the Desert area for a while until Luke is a bit older.

We took a look through the gift shop on our way out and got Luke a Indianapolis Zoo onesie (J really wanted the one with a tiger on it) as well as a small stuffed tiger. Since we knew that we were going to be going to the zoo a few times this summer, we bought a family membership and a small discount at the gift shop is included, which was nice.

Then we got back into the car and headed to a restaurant for lunch. It was a little way to drive to get there and Luke fell asleep almost immediately. And he slept hard on that drive to the restaurant. We ate and I fed Luke his lunch and he was happy and awake during the whole drive back home. So although there was one little blip, all in all it was a fun day.

8 Months Old Today

Luke is 8 months old today. Insert cliche expressions about how quickly time passes.

What's been new recently? Lots of trying time, but also lots of fun times.

Separation Anxiety: Luke seems to be having some separation anxiety and it's unfortunately just me that can comfort him during that time as hard as my husband has tried. It made the two nights I tried to go out (once for a girls' night out and the other for a knitting class) this month end early with a text from J saying that Luke had woken up and was screaming and wouldn't calm down no matter what he did. I know it was hard on J to feel like there was nothing he could do to help Luke. And sure enough, as soon as Luke heard me in the house, he calmed down. I know this stage doesn't last forever and I'll eventually get to go do things in the evening again, but it's definitely challenging right now.

Eczema: Luke has occasionally had a very small (dime-sized or smaller) dry patch of skin on his arm or leg, but it was something we just put lotion on and didn't really get concerned about. But lately it started to spread and also to turn more pink so I took him to the doctor on Friday. He has eczema, so we were given a prescription for hydrocortisone cream and also told to use lotion (and to continue with our habit of bathing him every three days with very little soap). The doctor and I brainstormed a bit but weren't able to really figure out a cause for it. So that's something we'll be working on. I'm thinking it is food related. I had been just having him try lots of new foods with no waiting in between new foods and no keeping track of what he ate, so now we're back to just a couple of foods that he had at the beginning with no reaction and we'll start slowly introducing new foods back in to see if we find a culprit. The good news is that after just a few days of treatment, the eczema is nearly all cleared up, so that makes me feel even more like it could be food related since that was the only thing we changed in the past few days.

Teething: Two weeks ago from Friday, I was cleaning Luke's gums as usual and noticed a sharp point on his bottom gums. Sure enough, it is the tip of a tooth poking through. Two weeks later and the tooth is still in the exact same place. He was a little fussy over the past two weeks, but that kicked into overdrive the past few days and he's been going from perfectly happy playing on the floor to screaming machine in 5 seconds flat. It's also made our nights really bad as he is not sleeping well. We've tried a few different remedies but nothing really seems to work well right now. I have a few more things to try, so we'll keep working on it. But I really hope this tooth comes fully in soon so we can get past this. Of course, there are all the other teeth to worry about, but we'll just work on one at a time.

And now the good stuff:

Movement: Luke isn't crawling yet, but he's really starting to make motions toward getting there. He's always liked being on his tummy, but he seemed to be content with just being able to spin around in a circle to reach toys. Now he's starting to really try to get toys that are out of his reach. He has inched himself forward a few times. And he's also been pushing up on his arms and pulling his legs under him a lot more often. The other night, he did that and then did the classic rocking back and forth motion, which was really exciting to see since he hadn't done that before. And I've seen him on the video monitor move himself forward (pushing with his legs) in his crib. So I'm thinking that he's well on his way toward crawling though we probably still have some work to go there.

Laughing: When he's not in pain from his teeth, Luke is a rather cheerful happy boy. And lately he's been really happy especially when J is playing with him. We've been able to get some really great laughs to come out of him (tickling usually works best for this). It's a beautiful sound.

Exploring: He's really gotten interested in the various toys that we have around him and also in feeling our faces (have to remove our glasses first!!) and looking out the window. He definitely wants to know what all is going on around him. And that includes wanting to "pet" the cats. Right now petting involves grabbing some fur so we're trying to work on how to actually pet the cats. The cats so far are being patient and have actually been coming closer to him. I'm sure that will change for a while once Luke is able to start chasing after them!

Weather: The weather is a little on the chilly side this week, but it's actually been a great spring so far. I plan to spend a lot more time out of the house now. Yesterday we bought a jogging stroller, which will be much easier to take over the bumpy sidewalks (and the grass) on our way to the park so I plan to do that several times each week. And on Saturday, the little zoo in the park within walking distance opened up, so I look forward to taking Luke there (probably tomorrow for the first time) quite a bit this summer. We are also planning trips to the zoo in Indianapolis as well as the Children's Museum this summer, both of which I'm really excited about.

But for now I'll leave you with a few pictures of Luke that I took this morning.