Catching Up

I've been meaning to sit down and type up a blog entry for days, but I keep putting it off because I seem to have so much to say that I know it will be a long post and I just don't quite have the time. But by putting it off day after day, the needed post keeps getting longer and still not written. So what I'm going to do is just start with updating on current things and if I have a chance to backtrack a little, I'll do that in subsequent posts. But I would hate to see this blog become completely outdated because I feel that there is just too much to write at once!

So Luke is 4.5 months old now. He is definitely enjoying lots of playtime. We've been doing quite a bit of tummy time on the floor which he will usually be happy about for a good chunk of time. Although he had rolled over from tummy to back a few times, it hasn't been something he's done a lot. But in the past few days, he's been rolling over a couple of times a day, so it looks like he's really starting to get the hang of it and also the desire to do so.

But rolling from his back to his tummy still hasn't happened quite yet. He tries. He tries really hard sometimes. He can get onto his side, but either his arm gets in the way or he doesn't kick his leg over far enough and he goes right back onto his back. But I think the roll in that direction will happen really soon.

He also seems to be starting with teething. Although I can't see or feel anything in his mouth yet, his drooling has really kicked in a lot and his new favorite toy is the small Sophie the Giraffe which he puts in his mouth quite frequently. He also has taken to gumming anything that he can get into his mouth, which means we are keeping a sharper eye on what is within his reach. He also has some moments where I can tell he's in pain, poor baby, because he gets fussy and cries a little. So I'm checking for teeth each morning, but like I said, nothing in evidence quite yet.

He's also getting to the point where he is fighting his naps sometimes. I can tell that he's really tired but he doesn't want to let himself go to sleep. It's gotten to the point where he's made associations with things that put him to sleep and he fights against those, too. The main one is nursing, so he'll really start to cry if he's tired and doesn't want to sleep and I try to nurse him. I know he's also hungry at that point, but I just try to rock him and get him to fall asleep and I can nurse him when he wakes up. He also knows that when I'm holding him while I'm sitting down, he's more likely to fall asleep, so he'll fuss or cry until I stand up. I tried this to see if it was just my imagination the other day. He started to cry so I stood up. He stopped crying. I sat down. He started crying. Repeat a few more times. Yup, he seems to associate me sitting down with him going to sleep. Usually if I just rock him he'll give in and let himself sleep. Other times I let the swing do the rocking and that works as well. And he's always in such a better mood after he wakes up. He does go to sleep at night pretty easily, which I'm very grateful about. And he doesn't always fight his naps.

When he does fall asleep, he sleeps hard!

He's babbling quite a bit these days, especially with Daddy. One of his favorite sounds is "Ah-goo" which in my mind, I've taken to translating as "I love you." Hey, why not? He also seems to make a sound that is like "Hi" which is not too surprising because it's a word that both Daddy and I say to him quite a bit. And one toy, Crinkle Puppy, likes to kiss him and give him a hug, so when I hear Luke babble, "Huuu," I imagine that he's trying to say Hug. Maybe he is, maybe he's just repeating sounds, maybe it's just coincidence. I don't know. But it's fun to try to figure out what he might be "saying." He can really get going with his "talking" sometimes. It's so fun to listen to.

He also really likes to be in his jumperoo and over the weekend, I went to a clothing/toy sale and picked up one of those jumpers that you hang in the door frame. And I'm so glad that I did because he just loves it! One of the moms from my moms' group is letting us borrow this padding (looks like a giant diaper) to help him fit into the jumper a little better and it has definitely helped. He was spinning around and bouncing and grinning from ear to ear for quite a while yesterday afternoon.

Luke is wanting some attention now and I also need to squeeze in some lunch, so that's today's update. I still have lots to say about our travels over Christmas to Texas, but that will have to wait for another time. At least I was able to get a few little updates in for now.

Creativity and TV Watching

I was reading an article in Parenting magazine that I found quite interesting about creativity that confirmed some of the thoughts I've had over the past few years.It discusses creative potential and says that we all have it. But then it goes on to say, "Whether that potential is being fulfilled is another story entirely. Kyung Hee Kim, Ph.D., an educational psychologist at the College of William & Mary, in Virginia, has spent the past decade poring over the creativity scores of more than 300,000 American K-12 students. The news is not good: 'Creativity scores have significantly decreased since 1990,' she says. Moreover, 'creativity scores for kindergartners through third-graders decreased the most and those from the fourth through sixth grades decreased by the next largest amount.'"

I'm not very surprised to hear that creativity has decreased as I noticed it with my own college students over the past few years. It was difficult in literature classes to get them to have that "willing suspension of disbelief" that is often needed when reading a story such as Beowulf (of course, he didn't truly breathe underwater for several hours. It's just a story and is meant to show how strong Beowulf is and how he's not like other men). One of the worst moments was when I had students in my Introduction to Fiction course write their own short stories (incorporating some of the elements of fiction we had been studying that semester) along with a reflective essay on the story. I'd say at least 3/4 of the class started their reflective essay with one of these two beginnings: "This was the first story I've ever written" or "I've never written a story before." Really? Good gracious, I wrote all the time when I was in elementary school and even junior high and high school--for school, not just on my own (although I did that, too). What do these students do in school these days? Are the standardized tests really taking over that much? Of course, I know the unfortunate answer to this question is yes in many schools. And the article addresses this point as well:

"This focus on rote memorization can be detrimental to cultivating strong creative thinkers. 'Children aren't given the opportunity to express their own ideas or come up with their own way of doing things,' she explains. 'Instead, the answer is A or B or C. There is only one right answer.'"

In case you were wondering, as I was, how creativity is tested, here's an example from the article: "The tests consist of open-ended questions, such as 'How many uses can you think of for a toothbrush?' Scores are awarded based on the number and originality of the ideas produced. A creative child might respond by saying that he can brush his cat's teeth, polish a rock, and clean his fingernails--all answers that show dexterity in generating a wide range of potentially useful ideas." So it's not even "write a story" type of creativity: it's trying to come up with different ideas rather than just the standard. And it's this type of creativity that is very much needed in our world. How else will things get invented or new ideas to solve some of our nation's problems come forth?

So what does the article say parents should do? There are a couple of specific suggestions, but mostly it boils down to allowing children time for free play instead of scheduling very regimented activities and drilling things like numbers and the alphabet all the time. Basically, encourage the development of free thinking and play--and play along with your child(ren).

Toward the end of the article it brings up the prevalence of television watching (or using other screen time such as playing video games or being on the computer). The article states, "This constant bombardment, says Jung, can inhibit divergent [i.e., creative] thinking. 'If you're just a sponge,' Jung explains, 'you may be able to regurgitate facts, but you can't combine them in novel and useful ways.'" The article recommends limiting screen time.

So that brings me to the TV watching portion of this post. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under 2 years not watch television. I wanted to know more about why this was recommended and I read a fascinating book called Bright from the Start: The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind from Birth to Age 3 by Jill Stamm. At the heart of it, babies brains are still developing and making tons of neural connections during these years at the same time losing connections that are not developed. And brain scans of children who watched more TV compared to brain scans of children who did not watch TV were very different, especially in areas such as that of attention span. Babies who were TV watchers did not have long-term attention spans as developed as babies who did not watch TV. (I've read some other articles that suggest TV watching from an early age might be connected to ADHD.) Their brains look different! That's pretty amazing, but also quite sobering. And it's the reason that Luke will not be watching TV or any videos until he is at least 2 and after that point he will have a specific limit for each day.

I know you're probably thinking that I'm still an idealistic new mom and I'll give in at some point and let Luke watch TV. After all, I need to give him something to do while I go shower. And I completely understand that reasoning and why other parents use the television for their own young children. And I'm not the parent of those children so I'm not saying that you shouldn't allow your own child to watch TV. This is just what I (and J) feel we are doing to help Luke. And although I don't think we should be a slave to Luke's needs, I do think that as parents, we should think less of our own convenience and more of what we feel (based upon our research) is best for our child.

Do we still have the TV on when Luke is in the room? Yes. Have we found his eyes wandering to the screen? Yes, of course, TV is attractive. So we just make sure to turn him away from the screen and watch that his eyes don't drift that way and fixate on it. But in doing this, I've been examining my own TV viewing habits and I realized that they were getting out of control. I had been turning the TV on to watch the morning news while I had my coffee and the TV would stay on all day, mostly as background rather than me actually watching it. And what was I watching? Reruns of House Hunters or a new favorite, Storage Wars. But when I realized that I'd seen a particular episode three times before already, isn't that getting a bit ridiculous? What does that type of TV watching add to my life? Nothing. So during the day, the TV is off and Luke and I have a lot of interaction time. I don't have to worry about him watching the TV and I also don't have it going in the background. Instead, I turn on music or an audiobook (and I've started investigating podcasts) if I want something in the background. But mostly Luke and I read together or have a "conversation" (he's really doing a lot of babbling these days). And when he's asleep I actually enjoy the quiet more than having the TV droning on in the background.

I'm not saying that TV is evil and we shouldn't watch it at all. My evenings have a pretty full lineup (from Castle on Mondays to Supernatural on Fridays and several shows in between) and I'm definitely not going to stop watching those shows. But I'm being a bit more picky about what I do watch--something that I actually want to watch rather than reruns that don't really do anything for me. And I'm looking forward to when Luke is older to watching things with him. I can't wait (although obviously I am waiting) to introduce him to movies like The Goonies, The Dark Crystal, Toy Story, and of course Star Wars (original trilogy). But even when we do start watching TV together, I'm going to make sure to keep it limited and have him doing more activities and free play during the day. And hopefully, by doing so, I'll help him to learn to use the television responsibly while also developing his creativity so that he can become a divergent thinker.

Four Month Doctor Visit

Luke had his four-month visit with the doctor today. It is still 10 days before he will actually be 4 months, but with the holidays, we had the visit a little early.

Overall he is doing well. I had two concerns at this visit. Luke has had a stuffy nose for a few days, but no fever or other symptoms. The doctor said that it wasn't an issue and just keep using saline drops and cleaning it out. We only need to be concerned if he develops a high fever or has trouble breathing. So that's good to know. I just hope that it clears up soon as I'm sure it is not comfortable for him. The other concern was that he hasn't pooped since Thursday morning (that's 5 days). He had been going about 2 days between pooping for the past few weeks, but this is the longest stretch by far. She felt his stomach and said it feels soft, so that doesn't seem to be an issue. Everything else is normal (he eats, sleeps, pees, passes gas, and doesn't seem uncomfortable), so she is not concerned. Breast milk just doesn't produce a lot of waste and it looks like his body is just using up all of it. She said just to make sure his stomach isn't hard and that he doesn't seem uncomfortable, but he's fine otherwise.

He's been growing really well and is staying on target for his growth rate. He's been pretty consistently in the 25-50% for his age, and that's his actual age, not his adjusted age for being three weeks early (when he's plotted on the adjusted chart, he's in the 75th percentile). So here's how he's grown since his two-month visit:

Weight at 2 months: 10 lb 14.4 oz.
Weight at 4 months: 13 lb 4.9 oz.
Growth: 2 lb 6.5 oz.

Length at 2 months: 22"
Length at 4 months: 24"
Growth: 2" (no wonder those 0-3 month sleepers were getting tight in the leg length!)

Head circumference at 2 months: 39 cm
Head circumference at 4 months: 41 cm
Growth: 2 cm (and that's why I used ribbing for the new hat I knit him: it's stretchy so can accommodate a growing head!)

Then came time for the vaccines. He did a lot better with the oral one (I think this nurse was much more patient than the one last time) and got almost all of it down (only spitting out a little right at the end). I held onto him while he got the two shots, one in each leg. With the first one, he didn't cry right away. I think he was taken by surprise. But he started crying a little when she reached for the second shot. When he got the second one, he really started crying hard, and his poor little face turned bright red. Bandaids on and the nurse left the room. I then had a screaming child on my hands that I had to try to get dressed and back in the car seat. I held him and bounced him for a little while and he calmed down. But as soon as I laid him on the table to put his clothes on, he started crying again. We did this for a couple of minutes and I thought about nursing him a little really quickly. But then I spotted his pacifier in his car seat and thought I would try that first. That worked and I was able to get him into his clothes (well, mostly. I just put on the onesie and the socks, leaving off his pants and covered him with his blanket) and into the car seat. I wanted to schedule his next appointment and he got a little fussy while we were waiting for the receptionist to be free, but I just rocked him and talked to him and he was okay. Into the car and after a little crying in the parking lot, he quieted down. I think he fell asleep. When we got home, he cried a bit more but I nursed him and he was calm again and I put him in his swing so I could (finally) eat something for lunch. He fell asleep and is still asleep right now. Hopefully he's feeling better. I know he at least was having a good dream because a little while ago, he smiled and laughed in his sleep. We'll see how the evening goes.

Play Time

Luke has definitely been a lot more interested in a play time lately. He really loves to either stand on our lap and bounce or sit down propped up in the corner of the couch. He'll hold onto some of his toys and Crinkle Puppy seems to be his favorite. He smiles really big and even laughs a little whenever Crinkle Puppy gives him kisses.

The only bad thing is that he's not content anymore to just cuddle with us. He still has cuddle time, but when he wants to be active, there is no cuddling. And holding him up in the standing position while he tries to jump can get very tiring very quickly!

But every time I see him smile because he's having fun, my tired arms become less tired and I grab Crinkle Puppy for another quick kiss. And sometimes Mommy sneaks in a kiss or two herself!

Meltdown

I think that I've been taking Luke for granted a bit, as far as his behavior. I've gotten used to just being able to nurse him and then plop him in the car seat and run errands while he sleeps the whole way through them. So I assumed that the same thing would happen today. So very much not what happened.

He had a nice morning with some feedings and playtime. Then he took a nap for almost an hour in his swing. When he woke up, I nursed him. He seemed like he was going to fall asleep again, so I got him ready to go and into the car seat he went. Into the car and we were off to Hobby Lobby. No sooner was I on the major road toward the store then Luke started crying. And I'm not talking about just a little crying. He was screaming crying. It was heart wrenching but there was not a good place for me to stop so I drove on to the shopping center and pulled over as soon as I got into the parking lot. I jumped into the back seat and took Luke out of his car seat. He seemed to calm down a little but was still upset. I checked to see if any part of his clothing might be bothering him, checked his diaper, looked for anything else that might be wrong but couldn't find anything. So although he had just eaten before we left the house, I nursed him again. That calmed him (perhaps he really was still hungry. I have noticed just in the past couple of days that he has been eating more at one sitting so I might have stopped too quickly before we left the house.).

So we went to Hobby Lobby and he fell asleep while I was shopping. Ah, my perfect errand-running baby was back. After HL, I went to another store in the same shopping center. As I was checking out, Luke started to wake up, but he didn't seem like he was upset. So I got him in the car and planned to run another errand. Instead, we ended up just going straight home, and we couldn't get there fast enough (no, I did not drive recklessly or anything; it just seemed like we got behind the slow cars and hit every light) because Luke started his screaming crying again. What is going on?? I thought perhaps he might be a little too warm because I was feeling a bit warm in the car, so I cranked up the air conditioning (so strange to do that when there is snow on the ground!). That seemed to help a little but he was still upset.

So I pulled into the garage, got Luke out, left the packages in the car, and rushed into the house. I got him out of the car seat and just held him and bounced him. He finally calmed down, and we sat down and I nursed him again. Now he's back in his swing and it looks like he's taking his afternoon nap. But I'm prepared to feed him as soon as he shows signs of waking up as it seems like he is just ravenous today and I don't want another one of those crying episodes because it just really is heart breaking to hear him so upset.

Three Months

Three months ago today, Luke was born. I'll start with the cliches: I can't believe how quickly this time has gone and I can't remember my life before Luke. Yes, they are cliche, but cliches become that way because they are usually true.

The last month has definitely had quite a few developments. We're sleeping a little longer at night (though still not sleeping through the whole night yet). Luke has grown even more: we're now into size 2 diapers (just have about 3-4 size 1 diapers left to use up) and it looks like he's outgrown most of his 0-3 month size clothing, so I'm pulling out the 3-6 month stuff now.

He also is really starting to grab onto objects. There's a ball that he seems to really like and he'll actually hold onto it with both hands, pull it up to his mouth, and even pass it back and forth between his hands. It's so much fun to see him interacting with objects.

And he laughed for the first time while he was awake! He's been laughing in his sleep (I really would like to know what he's dreaming about) for a few weeks now. J finally got to hear him do that as he had only been doing it while J was at work. But then J was tickling Luke the other day and there was a little laugh that escaped from him. It hasn't happened again yet (lots and lots of smiling though), but it was wonderful to hear it happen for the first time and I look forward to more laughter.

But the biggest change, which has really only been very recently, has been in his mental development. I can tell that he's so much more aware of his surroundings now. He's looked around before, of course, but now he really looks around at things (still a lot at the ceiling). I think he's even finally noticed the cats. It's getting harder to keep his eyes diverted away from the TV (no TV watching for him until he's 2 years old), so we've had to be a lot more careful about which way he's facing when we have the TV on. Although he still enjoys snuggling up against us, he now also wants to turn around and face outwards instead of always being pressed up against our chests. And although his attention span isn't really long, he's starting to actually look at the pages in books when we read them together, at least very briefly.

These developments are super exciting, perhaps just as much so to him as to me and J. So much so that Luke is just wearing himself out with looking around at everything that he doesn't want to go to sleep as much. And so he's getting overtired at times. And in the past few days, he's had some really big (for him) fussy moments where he just starts crying and it's not from hunger or needing a diaper change. Nope, he's just tired but doesn't want to sleep. I thought that his swing has been helpful in the past, but I'll just say that it's even more helpful now. When he's overtired like that, it seems like putting him in the swing is the only thing that will get him to settle down and get a little nap so that he's our happy little Lukester once again when he wakes up.

And I noticed the other day that he was really enjoying "standing" on my legs and bouncing/jumping on them. So much that he got upset when I stopped holding him up. So even though most jumperoos recommend being 4 months old before using them, on Monday evening, I ran to Target and got a jumperoo (which after being on sale, using a coupon, and using gift cards was quite a good deal). I put it together Tuesday afternoon. He's definitely too small for it, but by stuffing towels around him and stacking up blocks from his play mat under his feet, I was able to get him situated so he could actually use it. And use it he did. I could see his little brain working out that if he moved his legs this way or that way then he would get to bounce/jump around. I really watched to make sure he was holding his head okay (his head control is pretty good now but he does have moments where it flops). I didn't want him to use it for too long since I am still concerned about his head control, so I took him out after about 10-15 minutes. Instant crying. He was enjoying it so much that he was upset when I took him out. I got him calmed down (thank you, swing!) but it looks like the jumperoo was a good purchase, as long as he doesn't get too upset about not being able to use it for long periods of time!

So my little baby boy is developing and growing nicely. It's so exciting to watch him start to explore his world and I look forward to seeing his continued development.

Now for the other part of the cliche: I can't remember my life without him. That's not really true. I remember my life quite well before Luke was born. But I'm much happier with this new life than with the old. As I wrote in an earlier blog post, this is what I've been waiting for: being a mother. But I also wrote that I didn't think I could have been as satisfied with this life had we had a baby even just a couple of years ago. Getting all the experiences that I did before having Luke was very valuable for me to be able to focus so much on him now (not that I've given up everything that makes me who I am).

I've been thinking about this again lately because of some posts that I've seen on the What to Expect forums (I usually read those late at night during feedings because they always make me feel great about my own life since so many of the posters seem to have really screwed up lives). Several of the other August mothers are not happy with their new lives. One woman wrote that she wishes she had been able to have a trial run with a baby before getting pregnant because if she had, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant. She misses her old life way too much and resents the baby. Several moms agreed with her. Another woman (who is getting treated for postpartum depression but still is not doing well) says that she doesn't even like her son and just sees him as this inconvenience that she can't get away from. Reading those posts makes me feel so sad for those babies. They don't want to be an inconvenience. They don't want to ruin their parents' lives. They just want to be loved and held and fed and warm. Poor babies. I am so thankful that I have not have those feelings and that Luke does not have parents who find him inconvenient. I really don't understand how those moms can look at their babies and not just melt and fall in love and want to do anything to make sure the babies are well loved. I do hope that their feelings change as the babies continue to grow and that they are able to make peace with their lives and not always want to go back to life before the baby. But knowing that there are moms out there that feel this way makes me cherish my little boy even more and helps me to not take for granted what we have, especially me being able to stay home with him.

So on the eve of Thanksgiving, that's what I'm most thankful for: this healthy, happy little boy; a wonderful husband who is a great daddy and who agrees that me staying home with him is important and works hard to make that happen; and my own feelings that this life is so much better than what we had before (although I'm glad that we had that before life). No, we're not living a perfect life (I miss our family in Texas way too much for that), but I'm so thankful for what we do have.

Here he is back on October 24:

October 27:

November 1:

November 7:

November 10:

November 20 with Daddy:

And today, November 23 at 3 months old:

A Week Alone

I've been meaning to write this post for the past week but just haven't had a chance to sit down and really do it. Last week, J was out of town (Las Vegas for an auto convention with his dad and brother) from Monday through Friday so I had Luke all to myself. I was a bit nervous about it, but it was an event that J has been wanting to go to for years and I really wanted him to be able to go, so I tried to hide my nervousness and tell myself that Luke and I would be just fine.

Monday morning was nice because J didn't have to go to the airport until the afternoon, so we spent some time together as our little family. Then he left. And even though I had spent the morning with him, after he left and the afternoon got toward the time when he usually gets home from work, I found myself listening at the door for him coming home. And then it hit me that he was at the airport and wouldn't be home that day. Heck, every day that week, I had the same feeling and kept having to remind myself that he was out of town.

All in all Luke and I did very well together although I'm very glad that I don't have to do it alone all the time. I think the biggest thing that I missed (besides handing Luke to J for a little while so I can get some stuff done around the house) was not having anyone to share Luke with. Luke would do something funny and instead of being able to say "Hey, honey, look at what Luke is doing" I had to just experience it by myself. Sure, there are times when J is at work when the same thing happens, but for some reason it just felt different. I did try to text J with pictures of Luke several times while he was gone, but I missed having him right there to be able to share experiences with Luke together.

I wasn't alone the entire week that he was gone. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings I went to meetups with local moms (which I've been greatly enjoying each week). And on Wednesday evening, friends brought over dinner (yummy pizza) and we ate together. As much as I love hanging out with the other moms and as much as I'm thankful for friends who bring dinner and themselves over, it felt so wonderful to have J come home on Friday. We are definitely a family that needs all three of us to be complete.

The other thing that I think Luke really missed was bath time with Daddy. Since I breastfeed and I'm home all day with Luke, he and I get a lot of bonding time. Although J does hold him quite a bit in the evening, it doesn't seem to be the same as the time I spend with Luke. So J has been the one who gives Luke a bath. I'm mostly just in the bathroom to lend an extra pair of hands if needed. So it's time for the boys. J always turns on some music (like Eric Clapton or something of that nature) and as he washes Luke, I just enjoy watching Luke staring up into Daddy's eyes and smiling as he enjoys his bath and his time with his Daddy. Watching them together just really makes me feel all happy and warm inside.

Since we currently give Luke a bath every three days, I had to give him a bath only once while J was gone. I tried to do the usual routine. I put on some music (although it was my music, so Gaelic Storm and Glee and whatnot) and tried to go through the bathing steps the same way that Daddy does it. Although Luke did smile, he didn't seem to be smiling as much as when Daddy gives him a bath. So it was successful in that Luke got clean and he did smile, but I know it wasn't the same experience. And honestly, I don't feel bad about that. I'm glad that bath time with me was not as much fun as bath time with Daddy. It really helps me to feel like Luke and J really do bond quite a bit with bath time and I'm so happy that they have that time together.

So I made it through the week alone with Luke. And although I'm sure it will happen again in the future (and perhaps even some time for J alone with Luke if I go somewhere, although I'm not yet ready to leave Luke overnight), I'm definitely glad that J is back home.