Life with Luke

This Week's Food: Pear

2012-02-25T14:09:00.000-08:00

So last week was sweet potato. We had highs and lows. One day (I think it was Friday), he ate a whole serving (about a tablespoon) of sweet potato without too much trouble. One day or two he was cranky and so I didn't even try feeding him solids and the other days he wasn't too interested in eating. He didn't seem to hate the sweet potatoes, but he didn't really seem to want to eat them either and he only ate a little bit.

So this week we're trying pear. I tried only a tiny amount today and he seemed indifferent toward it. He didn't make a face or spit it out, but he rolled it around in his mouth for a long time. I'm not sure if he was tasting it or if he didn't really know what to do with it or what. But we'll keep practicing.

To make the pear, I needed to steam it. Now, we do have a steaming basket and I have used it before (like once or twice), but I have to admit that the thought of using it wasn't fun. I completely admit it. I'm quite lazy about food. Sometimes I do get excited about a recipe and I get in the kitchen and make it, but mostly, I have plenty of things I'd rather be doing than cooking. And I know it's not like steaming fruits and veggies is really all that hard or time consuming, but I know it's something that I would do begrudgingly. So I was curious when I went to Target today to see if there were other options for steaming. And there was.

I've heard of the Baby Bullet for pureeing foods, but didn't really look into it because we have a food processor and so didn't need something else to puree. Well, apparently there is also a Baby Bullet Steamer. I decided to give it a try. I also picked up some pears, avocados, zucchini, and squash to go ahead and make up and freeze for future meals for Luke.

While reading the instructions for the steamer, I noticed that it had a special tray to make hard boiled eggs. Hmmm...I like hard boiled eggs (and deviled eggs), but I really hate actually making them. I never quite get it right. So since we have a good number of eggs in the fridge right now, I decided to make four (the steamer can make up to six). I filled the tray with the specified amount of water, put on the egg tray and the four eggs, and set it to the right number. About 15 minutes later (I don't remember for sure as I didn't look at the clock), the buzzer went off and my eggs were supposedly done. I dunked them in a cold water bath and then put them in the fridge.

I went on to make Luke's pears. The only bad thing is that I had three pears and the steamer really only holds one pear at a time (cut into chunks). Of course, our steamer basket is small, so it probably would do only one at a time as well. The pears took 13 minutes for each one and it seems to have steamed them nicely. I put the pears in the food processor and pureed them. Then I filled an ice cube tray and put it in the freezer. When the cubes are frozen enough, I'll put them in a zip lock bag for easy storage. I decided to do the other foods a little later.

I remembered my eggs in the fridge and decided to give one a try. I cracked the shell and found that it peeled off very nicely (something that rarely happens for me--although that may have had to do with the time they spent in the fridge which is a step I've never tried before). I bit into the egg carefully, expecting the yolk to be underdone (which I hate). To my surprise, I found that it was cooked rather perfectly. Woo hoo! I think I've found an easy way to make a healthy snack. Make up a half dozen of the eggs, put them in the fridge, and when I want a snack, reach for an egg rather than some chips.

But back to Luke. Since he only had a little pear, I decided to also give him a bit of banana (still trying to see if he'll like it a little better). I had one banana left on the counter and I could tell that it was going to go bad pretty soon. While at Target I had also picked up some mesh feeders. I decided to put the banana in it and let Luke feed himself to see how that worked. Here's how it went:

Hey Mommy, why do you have your camera out? There must be something important about to happen.

Oh look, something for me to put in my mouth.

Wait a minute, this tastes a little funny.

Hold it right there! There's a banana on that plate! Is there a banana in this thing I was chewing on??

Okay, Mommy, I'll try one more time.

Still tastes like banana.

Can we please just be done with this whole banana thing?

So, he didn't seem too impressed with either the mesh feeder or the banana. I'm not going to give up though because bananas are yummy and I'm sure he'll like them at some point. Once I get a few more single ingredient foods tried out on him, I'm going to start mixing some together, so it'll be interesting to see if he'll be more interested in eating banana if it is mixed with something else he does like.

In other Luke news, he has had some moments of better sleep the past two nights (meaning one longish stretch), which is encouraging. But he's also been more cranky during the day.

Thursday was his doctor's appointment and he got a lot of shots. Thursday evening, he had a slight fever. On Friday morning we were going to try to go to a play group, but his nap time started a little later than usual and he slept for a good chunk so we didn't make it to the play group. Two of the other moms had the same issue, so the three of us actually got together for our own small little play group once our three kids woke up. And Luke had several moments where he just burst into tears. He would be perfectly fine and then, boom! Huge crying. I had a little foam letter packed in the diaper bag and gave him that to chew on and that seemed to make him happier. After a little while I decided to take him home and see if he needed another nap. (And sure enough, when we got home, I nursed him and he fell back asleep.)

I had noticed that he still had a slight fever (99.5). I couldn't remember how long he might have a fever from the shots, so I called the doctor's office and was told he could actually have a fever, and much higher than what it was, for up to 72 hours. I was glad later that I made that call then because in the early evening I took his temperature and it was up to 101. Eek! I gave him some Tylenol and that seemed to help. But he was not really fully acting like his usual cheerful self. It also seemed like he had forgotten that he could roll over.

I was expecting a long night full of soothing. It started out with him waking up about every 1.5 hours, but then he slept from 1:30-5:30 straight. This morning, his fever was gone (yay!) and he seemed much more cheerful. He went right back to rolling over multiple times whenever I put him on his back and seemed happy to play with his toys. We went out after his morning nap to look in on a friend's cats and also to make the Target run. I realized that I was low on gas (my car estimated I could go 40 more miles), so I decided to go to a gas station first. One the way there, Luke started crying. He calmed down a little as long as I was singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider." I got gas, made sure he had his pacifier handy, and then drove on to Target.

Cue the crying. Cue the screaming. Why does it have to happen when I'm driving and can't do anything about it? Even the singing didn't work this time. I went ahead and stopped at Target and parked and got into the backseat, took him out of the car seat, and just held him, which calmed him down. I then grabbed a cart and put the cart cover we bought recently but hadn't yet used on it and strapped Luke in (I thought that he might like riding in the cart that way instead of strapped to me in the Ergo because then he could look around a bit more). And it worked. He only started to cry a little bit one time in the store and he was easily calmed. So I got through shopping and headed home. More crying. Nap time.

He slept for a good chunk and when he woke up we did the above feeding. Then we got down on the floor to play and he was cheerful for a little while. Then he started to get a little upset again and I handed him a nearby toy--Sophie (a little teething giraffe). Oh my gosh. If Sophie had been something to eat, Luke would have gobbled her up instantly. He was just chomping on her and rubbing her on his gums for a good while. So I'm thinking that the recent crying fits may be teething related. I noticed while in Target that he was running his tongue around in his mouth, which is something I hadn't really seem him do before.

I finally got him settled down for his third nap of the day (and unfortunately missed out on a dinner invitation from some friends who were in town) and he's been asleep for almost an hour. But he just woke up and he's already crying again, so I'd better end this and go see what's bothering him now. Hopefully Sophie can make him feel better.

Six Months Old Today

2012-02-23T11:20:00.003-08:00

My little boy is 6 months old today. So exciting to see how he is growing and developing.

He had his doctor's appointment today and got quite a few shots (vaccines as well as the flu shot). He cried for a little while, but settled down fairly quickly and fell asleep in the car on the way home. When we got home, he was all smiles, nursed, and eventually fell back asleep (he's sleeping now as I'm typing this). I'm prepared for an afternoon/evening of extreme fussiness, but I'm hoping the smiles mean that he'll be fine today.

He checked out just fine and is continuing to grow nicely. His weight for his height did go down a little in the percentage, but since his daddy was long and skinny, it's likely Luke will be the same way and the doctor wasn't concerned. So here's his progress since his 4-month appointment:

Height at 4 months: 24"

Height at 6 months: 26"

Weight at 4 months: 13 lb 4.9 oz

Weight at 6 months: 15 lb 9.9 oz

The doctor did ask about feeding solids and said he should be eating 3 meals a day. I told her that just this week we've tried sweet potato and banana but it appears that he still has the tongue thrust reflex as he keep just pushing the food back out, so I'll keep trying but I'm not going to force food on him. She recommended rice cereal because it is iron fortified. I just smiled and nodded. I'd prefer that Luke eat real foods and get his iron from iron-rich foods rather than rice cereal (although I will try oatmeal at some point). I'm also not going to give him three meals a day for a while. We're just going to do once a day until he actually starts eating instead of thrusting the food out, then move to twice a day and then finally three times a day. I want to introduce food more gradually (and since he's still breastfeeding, he's getting the nutrition he needs from that). [Note: I've been doing lots of research on feeding solids, so I'm not just ignoring what the doctor said because I feel like it.]

Here are some pictures I took of him this morning:

Here are his previous monthly pictures, so you can really see how much he's grown!

August 23 - birth

September 23 - 1 month

October 23 - 2 months

November 23 - 3 months

December 23 - 4 months

January 23 - 5 months

The sad part of growing (besides the fact that he's not going to be a baby too much longer!) is growing out of clothing. There were some outfits that he had in 3-6 months size that I just loved. And I think that I kept telling myself that they were still fitting just fine long after he really should have moved up in size because I didn't want to have to have him stop wearing those outfits. But he's truly up to the next size (which resulted in a quick shopping trip to get him stuff that fit!), so I have to say goodbye to the following outfits. At least I have pictures and memories.

Superman!

I'm Batman!

Love the little monster playing a guitar

Dinosaurs!

He looks so grown up in this outfit!

Dinosaur playing a guitar!

I'm not super fond of most of the clothing he has in the 6-9 month size, but in some ways that's probably good so that I won't get sad again when he outgrows it as I'm sure he'll do and probably long before he reaches 9 months.

The other exciting part of him getting older is all the stuff he's doing now and how much more interested in various toys he has become. When we were at our moms' group this week, I stood him up at the activity table that the hosting mom had and he seemed to really enjoy it, so I stopped by Toys R Us and picked up one (I thought that I had a 20% off coupon, which is why I bought one new instead of used, but it turns out that the 20% off coupon for Toys R Us is not actually good on toys *sigh*). I do have to be right with him when he's using it (although he is able to hold himself up by holding onto the table), and he seems to like it so far. But in looking for the table, I went out of the baby section of the store and into the larger section. And my gods, there are so many awesome toys. I don't want him to have a ton of toys, but it's going to be hard not to do that as some of the stuff just looks so neat. I'm looking forward to seeing him play and seeing how his play time develops over the next 6 months.

As for sleep, he's still waking up pretty often at night (see previous post about sleeping) and needs me to nurse him and rock him to get him back to sleep. But this past week, since he learned to roll from back to tummy, he's been rolling over at night and he seems to prefer to sleep on his stomach. So there are times that he'll fuss a little, roll over onto his tummy, and then fall back asleep. So the past two nights we've gone from 1.5-2 hour intervals to closer to 3 hours, which is much much better. And I'm sure that he'll start sleeping a little longer than that in the next few months (at least I hope so!), so it looks like tummy sleeping seems to be a really big milestone for him.

Speaking of sleeping, he's probably going to wake up from his nap soon so I'd better end this post for now.

Rolling Over and Eating Sweet Potato

2012-02-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

Two posts in one day...gasp!

Luke has been rolling over from his stomach to his back for a couple of months now. He doesn't do it a lot but he has done it quite a few times. But he had not yet managed to roll from his back to his stomach. He's been trying and lately trying really hard. Yesterday he managed to get almost all the way over but his arm blocked him. I tried showing him how to move him arm, but he still just wasn't doing it. This is how close he came:

So this morning, I put him on the floor while I was sitting with him and drinking my coffee and what does he do? Rolls over from back to front almost immediately. If I had blinked, I would have missed it! He did it again later in the afternoon and he came super super close to a third time after that.

Today we tried yet another food: sweet potato. This time I think it went much better. He had just woken up from his nap and nursed, so he was in a good mood. And J was home, so he was able to participate and see it, which I was happy to be able to share with him. And I don't think he ate a lot (the serving size for his age is only like a teaspoon so he shouldn't have gotten much anyway, but I don't think he ate even quite that much), but he did eat a few small bites. He did keep it toward the front of his mouth and used his tongue a little to push it but he didn't push it all the way out and he did actually swallow some. (I know he didn't swallow any of the banana before and I doubt very little of the avocado made it into him.) So I have more sweet potato (put some for tomorrow in the fridge and for the rest of the week in the freezer), so I'll keep trying a little of it each day and see what happens.

It might still be a little early to say that we've started solids (today could have been a fluke), but if he does this for a few more days, then I think we'll have officially started solids. Exciting yet also a little scary. It seems easier just to keep nursing him because it's at the point where it's so natural that I barely need to think about it, but I know he'll need to eat something besides breastmilk at some point in the future, so I guess it's good to start slowly now.

A couple of other small things he's doing:

He's trying really really hard to blow raspberries, either sticking his tongue out or just using his lips. J or I will do them at him and he's trying to do them back to us. It's so cute! I got a quick video of him doing it today, but it's not posting here.

He's also gotten a lot more interested in books now and will sit and get through me reading at least halfway through a book before he gets restless. But I can see he's actually looking at the pages now. And he wants to hold the book and even tries to turn the pages. Again, super cute!

It's Not a Problem...Until It Is

2012-02-18T07:12:00.000-08:00

So I've been a pretty "go-with-the-flow" type of mom: when Luke is hungry, I feed him; when he wants to sleep; I put him down to sleep; when he wants to play; we play. I do very strongly feel that any sort of "schedule" should represent the baby's needs and not something forced by the parent. So although Luke wakes up quite a few times at night, I've just been dealing with it and thinking "that's just the way he is" and "it won't last forever."

When Luke was about three months old, he started sleeping one longer stretch when he first went down for the night (about 5 hours: technically that is almost what is considered sleeping through the night), then he'd have another 2-3 hour stretch and another 1-2 hour stretch. It wasn't too bad at all, especially since he was going to bed about the same time I was so that 5 hour stretch was sleep I was also getting.

I'd heard of the four-month sleep regression and Luke's four month birthday hit while we were in Texas for the holidays. So part of the way through our trip, when Luke started waking up more often at night, I just figured it was this sleep regression combined with our major change in routine.

Now it's almost two months later (Luke will be six months old next week) and it seems like his waking up at night is getting even more often. And it's not just the switch to the crib; he was doing this while he was still in the bassinet in our room. Now a long stretch for him is 2 hours, possibly 2.5 hours. But it's more usual for him to wake every 1.5 hours. He does seem hungry (he nurses right away and I can definitely hear him swallowing), so I always feed him and he goes right back to sleep pretty easily. So although we're up quite a few times at night, it's never for very long (he's always been an efficient eater, finishing in 10 minutes). So although it's not great, it's also not as bad as I'm sure it could be.

I got a taste of that last weekend on Saturday and Sunday evenings. Instead of going right back to sleep after nursing, Luke had a few times where he woke back up almost immediately. At one point, as soon as I would put him back in the crib and crawl back into bed and pull the covers over myself, he would start crying again and I'd have to get back out of bed and rock him. On Monday I could tell that I was feeling the effects of sleep deprivation because my patience was wearing super thin and I found myself getting irritated at the slightest thing (I tried my best to keep from showing this irritation to Luke, but I'm sure he could tell). I went to the mall, thinking that getting out of the house would be good, but that turned out to be a mistake as then I just got irritated with the stroller and the car seat and the pacifier clip and running into racks in Kohl's with the stroller and everything else. So I just went home. Fortunately Luke took a long afternoon nap that day and although there were things I needed to do, I didn't care and I napped with him. I don't think that I actually slept the whole time, but I at least was lying down with my eyes closed and resting. And when Luke and I got up, I felt so much better, so it was definitely a good idea for me to have napped.

Now, Luke did have a stuffy nose (and I know that he's teething, although still no actual sign of a tooth yet), so I'm sure that was what was causing his sleeplessness on those nights. But having this (though not as bad as those two nights) going on for over two months makes me wonder if it's a problem that needs to be solved or if this is truly just the way Luke is and something I just need to deal with. How can I tell? It's not really a problem until it becomes a problem. So has it become a problem?

I started looking at some various sleep books, something I didn't really want to do because I wanted to adapt to Luke rather than force Luke to adapt to some program from a book, especially since all the books seem to just contradict each other. I decided to try Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth because although he does use cry it out as a method, he offers alternatives to that method. (I'm against cry it out for us because first I know that I wouldn't be able to actually do it and second because it goes against my view of the type of parenting I want to follow, which is closer to attachment parenting.)

And I'm only a little over halfway through the book, but now I'm even more confused and worried. Apparently, according to Weissbluth, if I don't help Luke be able to self sooth and fall asleep on his own now, he could develop sleep problems when he is older, even into adulthood; he could also be more prone to issues such as ADHD. And as someone with sleep issues herself, that worries me. I'd love to be like J, who is able to fall asleep less than 5 minutes after his head has hit the pillow. But instead, I find myself unable to get my brain to just stop going around and around with various thoughts and relax into sleep. It usually takes me over an hour to get to sleep each night (although I'm getting better about it these days). I'd rather Luke be able to sleep more like his father than like me. But if his current habits are any indication, it seems that he's going to be sleeping more like me. So because of this book, I'm now starting to get ultra conscious about Luke's sleeping (including his naps) rather than the relaxed state that we had been in. And I do think that something needs to be done to help Luke fall asleep without being rocked and fall back asleep when he wakes up, but I'm not sure how to do it and I'm starting to feel a little stressed about it, which I know probably is not helping at all.

Now I don't expect Luke to sleep straight through the night. I'm breastfeeding and I know that he should have 1-2 wakings at night to be fed. My concern is that it is more like 5-6 feedings. (Although last night he woke only 4 times, so that was actually an improvement.) But is this something that he'll grow out of on his own or is it something that I need to actually do something about to help him? That's the real crux of the problem.

And it's even more confusing after I read an article that one of the moms in my Ravelry forum posted yesterday: Confession: This Pediatrician is a Sleep Softie. Here's a paragraph from this article:

"Our children have always had a reasonable bedtime (even if we ignore it sometimes), we’ve made sure their sleep is safe, and there has never been (or will be) a TV in a bedroom. And now that they are older, everyone sleeps just fine. But when they were little, it never really mattered to us whether they slept independently, or all night. We broke all sorts of 'sleep rules' on a regular basis."

So this mom (who is also a doctor) just attended to her children's needs and didn't worry about any sort of sleep training. And now they are sleeping just fine on their own. So perhaps soothing Luke myself right now instead of helping him learn to self sooth is not so detrimental as Weissbluth's book would have me believe.

She also writes, "Personally, I think that as a culture we are a bit too hung up on getting our kids scheduled and independent practically from the time they are born." And this is a statement I fully agree with, which has definitely been a key element in my style of parenting.

So whom do I listen to? What do I do with Luke's sleep? Except for those two days last weekend, I've been functioning okay with our current sleep routine (although of course I would welcome more sleep). Should I just keep letting things go on as they have? I have to admit that when I do go get Luke at night to nurse him and rock him back to sleep, he always gets a huge smile on his face when he sees me and that is almost enough to make me okay with missing out on my own sleep. Should I just gauge Luke's mood (which overall is very cheerful) and my own and if Luke seems to be more crabby, work more on sleep and if I seem to be getting crabby, make sure I nap when Luke naps? Or should I work through the non-cry-it-out methods in Weissbluth's book to help Luke be able to sleep more independently? Perhaps a balance between the two?

I'm not sure what direction to go, but as long as we don't have multiple days like last weekend, I'm doing okay. And Luke is happy and cheerful when he is awake so he seems to be doing okay, right? And although I know that I need to make sure I get sleep so I can be a good mom, ultimately, it's Luke that I'm most concerned about. And if his current sleep routine is working for him, then should I really be all that concerned? Is it even a problem at all?

A Night in the Crib

2012-02-03T04:32:00.000-08:00

So Luke has his own room (well, half of a room as the other half is my office), but he hasn't really ever used it. The crib is set up, there are decorations on the wall and the shelf, and there's my wonderful glider, but that half of the room gets very little use. Luke takes naps in his swing out in the front room and he sleeps at night in a bassinet beside our bed. It's been working out nicely for us (our bedroom and his room are at opposite ends of the house, so it's much easier to have him right there in the room for nightly feedings than to have to go up and down the hall several times a night).

But Luke is going to outgrow the bassinet soon. And so it seems that it is time to transition him to the crib. And it's not just transitioning him that is the issue; it's also transitioning me. I have to admit that I love having him right beside my bed at night because I can check on him whenever I want (without getting out of bed) to make sure he's still breathing. So moving him to a different room is actually harder on me than him, I think.

So last night was the night. I started by putting him to bed a little earlier than we have been. He's been going to bed around 8:30. Instead of having him take a short evening nap, with a short playtime after, and then bedtime, I just put him to bed when it seemed like he was ready for that evening nap (which turned out to be a little later than he had been taking it, so I think that worked out nicely) around 7:00. I rocked him in the glider, nursed him a little, and put him in the crib. Video monitor in hand, I went back out to the front room to watch some TV and knit and spend time with Jarrett. Luke seemed perfectly content sleeping in the crib. He had a moment around 9:30 (during Grey's Anatomy) where he started wiggling around a lot, but he wasn't crying and he got himself back to sleep.

I decided to sleep on the futon, which is in the room right next to Luke's room so that way if there were any issues, I wouldn't have to keep walking back and forth down the hall. Shortly after I got into bed (10:30), Luke woke up and was hungry so I nursed him. He went right back to sleep and I went back to the futon. Unfortunately, I didn't go right to sleep. And it wasn't the futon. It was my own mind. I keep turning on the video monitor to check on Luke and was straining my ears to hear if he was making any noise. I found myself wide awake. I think I finally got too tired and fell asleep a little over an hour later.

I don't know why I was so worried. Luke didn't seem bothered at all to be in his crib. He had several other wakeups where he wanted to nurse (I think it was 1:30, 3:00, 4:30), but that has been our normal for the past few weeks (he's eating less during the day because he's equating nursing with sleeping and he's been fighting his naps a little, so he's making up for eating at night), so it actually wasn't too bad. He was up and ready for the day a little after 6:00, which is a bit earlier than usual (between 6:30 and 7:00) but not too bad.

So for Luke the first night in the crib was quite a success. And once I actually let myself get to sleep, it was successful for me, too. I'll probably sleep on the futon for a few more nights just to be sure, but I don't want that to become a permanent situation so I'll have to make myself move back to the bed, let's say starting Monday evening. That gives us three more nights to make sure everything is working out okay with the crib.

In other news, the weather was gorgeous again yesterday, so we met up with some other moms and took a nice walk at a part (we also went for a walk the day before). And for the first time, I tried out the stroller without the infant seat so that Luke could actually look around while we were walking. The shoulder straps were a little loose, even on the tightest setting, but otherwise Luke seemed to be perfectly fine sitting that way. (One of the other moms has the same stroller and she said the straps were loose on her daughter for a while, so it seems that it's just the way the stroller is built.) He did start to get a little fussy right at the end of the walk and cried quite a bit in the car on the way home, but he had a very good reason for that as I discovered when we got home: his diaper was quite dirty! Oops on me for not checking it!

One other first yesterday: it was the first time that Luke has actually grabbed my glasses off my face and waved them around. I've tried to keep his hands away from my glasses but I wasn't being careful yesterday morning and sure enough, he grabbed for them. I guess I'll just have to keep a more careful watch, but I'm sure it will happen again.

I think today will be a stay home day since we've been going out a lot this week. If the weather is still beautiful this afternoon, I might go on a short walk around the block, but I think relaxing at home sounds really nice today. And maybe I'll get a little time in for sewing during his afternoon nap, something that I haven't done at all yet this week. We'll see what today brings.

A Bit of Banana

2012-02-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

This morning I was making a recipe that called for mashed banana, so I decided to see how Luke reacted to banana. This time I made sure he was in a good mood first.

He didn't like it at all. Just the smell seemed to be rather unappealing to him and he pretty much spit out the banana the three tries that I gave him. I've got it all on the video here. I'll try again with banana when we do start with solids, but so far it's not looking good!

On another note, the recipe I made was for for banana chocolate chip muffins, and I think they turned out pretty darn yummy.

A Nibble of Avocado

2012-01-25T16:17:00.000-08:00

On Monday Luke was 5 months old. Cliche again but true: I can't believe it! Here's my big boy:

I plan to wait to start Luke on solids for his 6-month birthday, but today I was making something for lunch that included avocado so I decided to give Luke just a little bit of it to see how he would react.

I got him a high chair a couple of weeks ago, and I've been having him sit in it for a little while every few days to get him used to it. Yesterday, I put him in the high chair in the kitchen while I was doing dishes and he really seemed to enjoy that. So I put him in the high chair while I was making my lunch.

I gave him a spoon to play with so he could get used to it as well as the high chair.

I had a slight miscalculation, though. He was in the high chair for about 30 minutes while I was fixing lunch and I left the avocado for last since I didn't want it to get brown. Well, that was about his limit for sitting in the high chair and he was starting to get fussy. I decided to proceed with the avocado anyway. I put a tiny bit on the spoon.

He seemed a little unsure about it:

We spent the next couple of minutes alternating between him seeming to be okay with the spoon (and avocado) in his mouth and him screaming. I'm not sure if he was upset about the food or if he was just tired of being in the high chair (and also hungry apparently as he nursed for quite a while when I got him out of the high chair). So the first food experience is undecided as to what he thought about it. If this video uploads correctly (I've never tried uploading a video before), you can see the experience for yourself.

Next week I plan to make something with bananas in it, so I'll try again with a tiny bit of banana and see what he thinks about it. And I'll make sure that he's not tired when I try it so I can get a better judgment of his reaction.

Catching Up

2012-01-11T09:37:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to sit down and type up a blog entry for days, but I keep putting it off because I seem to have so much to say that I know it will be a long post and I just don't quite have the time. But by putting it off day after day, the needed post keeps getting longer and still not written. So what I'm going to do is just start with updating on current things and if I have a chance to backtrack a little, I'll do that in subsequent posts. But I would hate to see this blog become completely outdated because I feel that there is just too much to write at once!

So Luke is 4.5 months old now. He is definitely enjoying lots of playtime. We've been doing quite a bit of tummy time on the floor which he will usually be happy about for a good chunk of time. Although he had rolled over from tummy to back a few times, it hasn't been something he's done a lot. But in the past few days, he's been rolling over a couple of times a day, so it looks like he's really starting to get the hang of it and also the desire to do so.

But rolling from his back to his tummy still hasn't happened quite yet. He tries. He tries really hard sometimes. He can get onto his side, but either his arm gets in the way or he doesn't kick his leg over far enough and he goes right back onto his back. But I think the roll in that direction will happen really soon.

He also seems to be starting with teething. Although I can't see or feel anything in his mouth yet, his drooling has really kicked in a lot and his new favorite toy is the small Sophie the Giraffe which he puts in his mouth quite frequently. He also has taken to gumming anything that he can get into his mouth, which means we are keeping a sharper eye on what is within his reach. He also has some moments where I can tell he's in pain, poor baby, because he gets fussy and cries a little. So I'm checking for teeth each morning, but like I said, nothing in evidence quite yet.

He's also getting to the point where he is fighting his naps sometimes. I can tell that he's really tired but he doesn't want to let himself go to sleep. It's gotten to the point where he's made associations with things that put him to sleep and he fights against those, too. The main one is nursing, so he'll really start to cry if he's tired and doesn't want to sleep and I try to nurse him. I know he's also hungry at that point, but I just try to rock him and get him to fall asleep and I can nurse him when he wakes up. He also knows that when I'm holding him while I'm sitting down, he's more likely to fall asleep, so he'll fuss or cry until I stand up. I tried this to see if it was just my imagination the other day. He started to cry so I stood up. He stopped crying. I sat down. He started crying. Repeat a few more times. Yup, he seems to associate me sitting down with him going to sleep. Usually if I just rock him he'll give in and let himself sleep. Other times I let the swing do the rocking and that works as well. And he's always in such a better mood after he wakes up. He does go to sleep at night pretty easily, which I'm very grateful about. And he doesn't always fight his naps.

When he does fall asleep, he sleeps hard!

He's babbling quite a bit these days, especially with Daddy. One of his favorite sounds is "Ah-goo" which in my mind, I've taken to translating as "I love you." Hey, why not? He also seems to make a sound that is like "Hi" which is not too surprising because it's a word that both Daddy and I say to him quite a bit. And one toy, Crinkle Puppy, likes to kiss him and give him a hug, so when I hear Luke babble, "Huuu," I imagine that he's trying to say Hug. Maybe he is, maybe he's just repeating sounds, maybe it's just coincidence. I don't know. But it's fun to try to figure out what he might be "saying." He can really get going with his "talking" sometimes. It's so fun to listen to.

He also really likes to be in his jumperoo and over the weekend, I went to a clothing/toy sale and picked up one of those jumpers that you hang in the door frame. And I'm so glad that I did because he just loves it! One of the moms from my moms' group is letting us borrow this padding (looks like a giant diaper) to help him fit into the jumper a little better and it has definitely helped. He was spinning around and bouncing and grinning from ear to ear for quite a while yesterday afternoon.

Luke is wanting some attention now and I also need to squeeze in some lunch, so that's today's update. I still have lots to say about our travels over Christmas to Texas, but that will have to wait for another time. At least I was able to get a few little updates in for now.

Creativity and TV Watching

2011-12-15T19:10:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article in Parenting magazine that I found quite interesting about creativity that confirmed some of the thoughts I've had over the past few years.It discusses creative potential and says that we all have it. But then it goes on to say, "Whether that potential is being fulfilled is another story entirely. Kyung Hee Kim, Ph.D., an educational psychologist at the College of William & Mary, in Virginia, has spent the past decade poring over the creativity scores of more than 300,000 American K-12 students. The news is not good: 'Creativity scores have significantly decreased since 1990,' she says. Moreover, 'creativity scores for kindergartners through third-graders decreased the most and those from the fourth through sixth grades decreased by the next largest amount.'"

I'm not very surprised to hear that creativity has decreased as I noticed it with my own college students over the past few years. It was difficult in literature classes to get them to have that "willing suspension of disbelief" that is often needed when reading a story such as Beowulf (of course, he didn't truly breathe underwater for several hours. It's just a story and is meant to show how strong Beowulf is and how he's not like other men). One of the worst moments was when I had students in my Introduction to Fiction course write their own short stories (incorporating some of the elements of fiction we had been studying that semester) along with a reflective essay on the story. I'd say at least 3/4 of the class started their reflective essay with one of these two beginnings: "This was the first story I've ever written" or "I've never written a story before." Really? Good gracious, I wrote all the time when I was in elementary school and even junior high and high school--for school, not just on my own (although I did that, too). What do these students do in school these days? Are the standardized tests really taking over that much? Of course, I know the unfortunate answer to this question is yes in many schools. And the article addresses this point as well:

"This focus on rote memorization can be detrimental to cultivating strong creative thinkers. 'Children aren't given the opportunity to express their own ideas or come up with their own way of doing things,' she explains. 'Instead, the answer is A or B or C. There is only one right answer.'"

In case you were wondering, as I was, how creativity is tested, here's an example from the article: "The tests consist of open-ended questions, such as 'How many uses can you think of for a toothbrush?' Scores are awarded based on the number and originality of the ideas produced. A creative child might respond by saying that he can brush his cat's teeth, polish a rock, and clean his fingernails--all answers that show dexterity in generating a wide range of potentially useful ideas." So it's not even "write a story" type of creativity: it's trying to come up with different ideas rather than just the standard. And it's this type of creativity that is very much needed in our world. How else will things get invented or new ideas to solve some of our nation's problems come forth?

So what does the article say parents should do? There are a couple of specific suggestions, but mostly it boils down to allowing children time for free play instead of scheduling very regimented activities and drilling things like numbers and the alphabet all the time. Basically, encourage the development of free thinking and play--and play along with your child(ren).

Toward the end of the article it brings up the prevalence of television watching (or using other screen time such as playing video games or being on the computer). The article states, "This constant bombardment, says Jung, can inhibit divergent [i.e., creative] thinking. 'If you're just a sponge,' Jung explains, 'you may be able to regurgitate facts, but you can't combine them in novel and useful ways.'" The article recommends limiting screen time.

So that brings me to the TV watching portion of this post. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under 2 years not watch television. I wanted to know more about why this was recommended and I read a fascinating book called Bright from the Start: The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind from Birth to Age 3 by Jill Stamm. At the heart of it, babies brains are still developing and making tons of neural connections during these years at the same time losing connections that are not developed. And brain scans of children who watched more TV compared to brain scans of children who did not watch TV were very different, especially in areas such as that of attention span. Babies who were TV watchers did not have long-term attention spans as developed as babies who did not watch TV. (I've read some other articles that suggest TV watching from an early age might be connected to ADHD.) Their brains look different! That's pretty amazing, but also quite sobering. And it's the reason that Luke will not be watching TV or any videos until he is at least 2 and after that point he will have a specific limit for each day.

I know you're probably thinking that I'm still an idealistic new mom and I'll give in at some point and let Luke watch TV. After all, I need to give him something to do while I go shower. And I completely understand that reasoning and why other parents use the television for their own young children. And I'm not the parent of those children so I'm not saying that you shouldn't allow your own child to watch TV. This is just what I (and J) feel we are doing to help Luke. And although I don't think we should be a slave to Luke's needs, I do think that as parents, we should think less of our own convenience and more of what we feel (based upon our research) is best for our child.

Do we still have the TV on when Luke is in the room? Yes. Have we found his eyes wandering to the screen? Yes, of course, TV is attractive. So we just make sure to turn him away from the screen and watch that his eyes don't drift that way and fixate on it. But in doing this, I've been examining my own TV viewing habits and I realized that they were getting out of control. I had been turning the TV on to watch the morning news while I had my coffee and the TV would stay on all day, mostly as background rather than me actually watching it. And what was I watching? Reruns of House Hunters or a new favorite, Storage Wars. But when I realized that I'd seen a particular episode three times before already, isn't that getting a bit ridiculous? What does that type of TV watching add to my life? Nothing. So during the day, the TV is off and Luke and I have a lot of interaction time. I don't have to worry about him watching the TV and I also don't have it going in the background. Instead, I turn on music or an audiobook (and I've started investigating podcasts) if I want something in the background. But mostly Luke and I read together or have a "conversation" (he's really doing a lot of babbling these days). And when he's asleep I actually enjoy the quiet more than having the TV droning on in the background.

I'm not saying that TV is evil and we shouldn't watch it at all. My evenings have a pretty full lineup (from Castle on Mondays to Supernatural on Fridays and several shows in between) and I'm definitely not going to stop watching those shows. But I'm being a bit more picky about what I do watch--something that I actually want to watch rather than reruns that don't really do anything for me. And I'm looking forward to when Luke is older to watching things with him. I can't wait (although obviously I am waiting) to introduce him to movies like The Goonies, The Dark Crystal, Toy Story, and of course Star Wars (original trilogy). But even when we do start watching TV together, I'm going to make sure to keep it limited and have him doing more activities and free play during the day. And hopefully, by doing so, I'll help him to learn to use the television responsibly while also developing his creativity so that he can become a divergent thinker.

Four Month Doctor Visit

2011-12-13T12:44:00.000-08:00

Luke had his four-month visit with the doctor today. It is still 10 days before he will actually be 4 months, but with the holidays, we had the visit a little early.

Overall he is doing well. I had two concerns at this visit. Luke has had a stuffy nose for a few days, but no fever or other symptoms. The doctor said that it wasn't an issue and just keep using saline drops and cleaning it out. We only need to be concerned if he develops a high fever or has trouble breathing. So that's good to know. I just hope that it clears up soon as I'm sure it is not comfortable for him. The other concern was that he hasn't pooped since Thursday morning (that's 5 days). He had been going about 2 days between pooping for the past few weeks, but this is the longest stretch by far. She felt his stomach and said it feels soft, so that doesn't seem to be an issue. Everything else is normal (he eats, sleeps, pees, passes gas, and doesn't seem uncomfortable), so she is not concerned. Breast milk just doesn't produce a lot of waste and it looks like his body is just using up all of it. She said just to make sure his stomach isn't hard and that he doesn't seem uncomfortable, but he's fine otherwise.

He's been growing really well and is staying on target for his growth rate. He's been pretty consistently in the 25-50% for his age, and that's his actual age, not his adjusted age for being three weeks early (when he's plotted on the adjusted chart, he's in the 75th percentile). So here's how he's grown since his two-month visit:

Weight at 2 months: 10 lb 14.4 oz.
Weight at 4 months: 13 lb 4.9 oz.
Growth: 2 lb 6.5 oz.

Length at 2 months: 22"
Length at 4 months: 24"
Growth: 2" (no wonder those 0-3 month sleepers were getting tight in the leg length!)

Head circumference at 2 months: 39 cm
Head circumference at 4 months: 41 cm
Growth: 2 cm (and that's why I used ribbing for the new hat I knit him: it's stretchy so can accommodate a growing head!)

Then came time for the vaccines. He did a lot better with the oral one (I think this nurse was much more patient than the one last time) and got almost all of it down (only spitting out a little right at the end). I held onto him while he got the two shots, one in each leg. With the first one, he didn't cry right away. I think he was taken by surprise. But he started crying a little when she reached for the second shot. When he got the second one, he really started crying hard, and his poor little face turned bright red. Bandaids on and the nurse left the room. I then had a screaming child on my hands that I had to try to get dressed and back in the car seat. I held him and bounced him for a little while and he calmed down. But as soon as I laid him on the table to put his clothes on, he started crying again. We did this for a couple of minutes and I thought about nursing him a little really quickly. But then I spotted his pacifier in his car seat and thought I would try that first. That worked and I was able to get him into his clothes (well, mostly. I just put on the onesie and the socks, leaving off his pants and covered him with his blanket) and into the car seat. I wanted to schedule his next appointment and he got a little fussy while we were waiting for the receptionist to be free, but I just rocked him and talked to him and he was okay. Into the car and after a little crying in the parking lot, he quieted down. I think he fell asleep. When we got home, he cried a bit more but I nursed him and he was calm again and I put him in his swing so I could (finally) eat something for lunch. He fell asleep and is still asleep right now. Hopefully he's feeling better. I know he at least was having a good dream because a little while ago, he smiled and laughed in his sleep. We'll see how the evening goes.

Play Time

2011-12-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

Luke has definitely been a lot more interested in a play time lately. He really loves to either stand on our lap and bounce or sit down propped up in the corner of the couch. He'll hold onto some of his toys and Crinkle Puppy seems to be his favorite. He smiles really big and even laughs a little whenever Crinkle Puppy gives him kisses.

The only bad thing is that he's not content anymore to just cuddle with us. He still has cuddle time, but when he wants to be active, there is no cuddling. And holding him up in the standing position while he tries to jump can get very tiring very quickly!

But every time I see him smile because he's having fun, my tired arms become less tired and I grab Crinkle Puppy for another quick kiss. And sometimes Mommy sneaks in a kiss or two herself!

Meltdown

2011-11-30T10:20:00.000-08:00

I think that I've been taking Luke for granted a bit, as far as his behavior. I've gotten used to just being able to nurse him and then plop him in the car seat and run errands while he sleeps the whole way through them. So I assumed that the same thing would happen today. So very much not what happened.

He had a nice morning with some feedings and playtime. Then he took a nap for almost an hour in his swing. When he woke up, I nursed him. He seemed like he was going to fall asleep again, so I got him ready to go and into the car seat he went. Into the car and we were off to Hobby Lobby. No sooner was I on the major road toward the store then Luke started crying. And I'm not talking about just a little crying. He was screaming crying. It was heart wrenching but there was not a good place for me to stop so I drove on to the shopping center and pulled over as soon as I got into the parking lot. I jumped into the back seat and took Luke out of his car seat. He seemed to calm down a little but was still upset. I checked to see if any part of his clothing might be bothering him, checked his diaper, looked for anything else that might be wrong but couldn't find anything. So although he had just eaten before we left the house, I nursed him again. That calmed him (perhaps he really was still hungry. I have noticed just in the past couple of days that he has been eating more at one sitting so I might have stopped too quickly before we left the house.).

So we went to Hobby Lobby and he fell asleep while I was shopping. Ah, my perfect errand-running baby was back. After HL, I went to another store in the same shopping center. As I was checking out, Luke started to wake up, but he didn't seem like he was upset. So I got him in the car and planned to run another errand. Instead, we ended up just going straight home, and we couldn't get there fast enough (no, I did not drive recklessly or anything; it just seemed like we got behind the slow cars and hit every light) because Luke started his screaming crying again. What is going on?? I thought perhaps he might be a little too warm because I was feeling a bit warm in the car, so I cranked up the air conditioning (so strange to do that when there is snow on the ground!). That seemed to help a little but he was still upset.

So I pulled into the garage, got Luke out, left the packages in the car, and rushed into the house. I got him out of the car seat and just held him and bounced him. He finally calmed down, and we sat down and I nursed him again. Now he's back in his swing and it looks like he's taking his afternoon nap. But I'm prepared to feed him as soon as he shows signs of waking up as it seems like he is just ravenous today and I don't want another one of those crying episodes because it just really is heart breaking to hear him so upset.

Three Months

2011-11-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

Three months ago today, Luke was born. I'll start with the cliches: I can't believe how quickly this time has gone and I can't remember my life before Luke. Yes, they are cliche, but cliches become that way because they are usually true.

The last month has definitely had quite a few developments. We're sleeping a little longer at night (though still not sleeping through the whole night yet). Luke has grown even more: we're now into size 2 diapers (just have about 3-4 size 1 diapers left to use up) and it looks like he's outgrown most of his 0-3 month size clothing, so I'm pulling out the 3-6 month stuff now.

He also is really starting to grab onto objects. There's a ball that he seems to really like and he'll actually hold onto it with both hands, pull it up to his mouth, and even pass it back and forth between his hands. It's so much fun to see him interacting with objects.

And he laughed for the first time while he was awake! He's been laughing in his sleep (I really would like to know what he's dreaming about) for a few weeks now. J finally got to hear him do that as he had only been doing it while J was at work. But then J was tickling Luke the other day and there was a little laugh that escaped from him. It hasn't happened again yet (lots and lots of smiling though), but it was wonderful to hear it happen for the first time and I look forward to more laughter.

But the biggest change, which has really only been very recently, has been in his mental development. I can tell that he's so much more aware of his surroundings now. He's looked around before, of course, but now he really looks around at things (still a lot at the ceiling). I think he's even finally noticed the cats. It's getting harder to keep his eyes diverted away from the TV (no TV watching for him until he's 2 years old), so we've had to be a lot more careful about which way he's facing when we have the TV on. Although he still enjoys snuggling up against us, he now also wants to turn around and face outwards instead of always being pressed up against our chests. And although his attention span isn't really long, he's starting to actually look at the pages in books when we read them together, at least very briefly.

These developments are super exciting, perhaps just as much so to him as to me and J. So much so that Luke is just wearing himself out with looking around at everything that he doesn't want to go to sleep as much. And so he's getting overtired at times. And in the past few days, he's had some really big (for him) fussy moments where he just starts crying and it's not from hunger or needing a diaper change. Nope, he's just tired but doesn't want to sleep. I thought that his swing has been helpful in the past, but I'll just say that it's even more helpful now. When he's overtired like that, it seems like putting him in the swing is the only thing that will get him to settle down and get a little nap so that he's our happy little Lukester once again when he wakes up.

And I noticed the other day that he was really enjoying "standing" on my legs and bouncing/jumping on them. So much that he got upset when I stopped holding him up. So even though most jumperoos recommend being 4 months old before using them, on Monday evening, I ran to Target and got a jumperoo (which after being on sale, using a coupon, and using gift cards was quite a good deal). I put it together Tuesday afternoon. He's definitely too small for it, but by stuffing towels around him and stacking up blocks from his play mat under his feet, I was able to get him situated so he could actually use it. And use it he did. I could see his little brain working out that if he moved his legs this way or that way then he would get to bounce/jump around. I really watched to make sure he was holding his head okay (his head control is pretty good now but he does have moments where it flops). I didn't want him to use it for too long since I am still concerned about his head control, so I took him out after about 10-15 minutes. Instant crying. He was enjoying it so much that he was upset when I took him out. I got him calmed down (thank you, swing!) but it looks like the jumperoo was a good purchase, as long as he doesn't get too upset about not being able to use it for long periods of time!

So my little baby boy is developing and growing nicely. It's so exciting to watch him start to explore his world and I look forward to seeing his continued development.

Now for the other part of the cliche: I can't remember my life without him. That's not really true. I remember my life quite well before Luke was born. But I'm much happier with this new life than with the old. As I wrote in an earlier blog post, this is what I've been waiting for: being a mother. But I also wrote that I didn't think I could have been as satisfied with this life had we had a baby even just a couple of years ago. Getting all the experiences that I did before having Luke was very valuable for me to be able to focus so much on him now (not that I've given up everything that makes me who I am).

I've been thinking about this again lately because of some posts that I've seen on the What to Expect forums (I usually read those late at night during feedings because they always make me feel great about my own life since so many of the posters seem to have really screwed up lives). Several of the other August mothers are not happy with their new lives. One woman wrote that she wishes she had been able to have a trial run with a baby before getting pregnant because if she had, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant. She misses her old life way too much and resents the baby. Several moms agreed with her. Another woman (who is getting treated for postpartum depression but still is not doing well) says that she doesn't even like her son and just sees him as this inconvenience that she can't get away from. Reading those posts makes me feel so sad for those babies. They don't want to be an inconvenience. They don't want to ruin their parents' lives. They just want to be loved and held and fed and warm. Poor babies. I am so thankful that I have not have those feelings and that Luke does not have parents who find him inconvenient. I really don't understand how those moms can look at their babies and not just melt and fall in love and want to do anything to make sure the babies are well loved. I do hope that their feelings change as the babies continue to grow and that they are able to make peace with their lives and not always want to go back to life before the baby. But knowing that there are moms out there that feel this way makes me cherish my little boy even more and helps me to not take for granted what we have, especially me being able to stay home with him.

So on the eve of Thanksgiving, that's what I'm most thankful for: this healthy, happy little boy; a wonderful husband who is a great daddy and who agrees that me staying home with him is important and works hard to make that happen; and my own feelings that this life is so much better than what we had before (although I'm glad that we had that before life). No, we're not living a perfect life (I miss our family in Texas way too much for that), but I'm so thankful for what we do have.

Here he is back on October 24:

October 27:

November 1:

November 7:

November 10:

November 20 with Daddy:

And today, November 23 at 3 months old:

A Week Alone

2011-11-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write this post for the past week but just haven't had a chance to sit down and really do it. Last week, J was out of town (Las Vegas for an auto convention with his dad and brother) from Monday through Friday so I had Luke all to myself. I was a bit nervous about it, but it was an event that J has been wanting to go to for years and I really wanted him to be able to go, so I tried to hide my nervousness and tell myself that Luke and I would be just fine.

Monday morning was nice because J didn't have to go to the airport until the afternoon, so we spent some time together as our little family. Then he left. And even though I had spent the morning with him, after he left and the afternoon got toward the time when he usually gets home from work, I found myself listening at the door for him coming home. And then it hit me that he was at the airport and wouldn't be home that day. Heck, every day that week, I had the same feeling and kept having to remind myself that he was out of town.

All in all Luke and I did very well together although I'm very glad that I don't have to do it alone all the time. I think the biggest thing that I missed (besides handing Luke to J for a little while so I can get some stuff done around the house) was not having anyone to share Luke with. Luke would do something funny and instead of being able to say "Hey, honey, look at what Luke is doing" I had to just experience it by myself. Sure, there are times when J is at work when the same thing happens, but for some reason it just felt different. I did try to text J with pictures of Luke several times while he was gone, but I missed having him right there to be able to share experiences with Luke together.

I wasn't alone the entire week that he was gone. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings I went to meetups with local moms (which I've been greatly enjoying each week). And on Wednesday evening, friends brought over dinner (yummy pizza) and we ate together. As much as I love hanging out with the other moms and as much as I'm thankful for friends who bring dinner and themselves over, it felt so wonderful to have J come home on Friday. We are definitely a family that needs all three of us to be complete.

The other thing that I think Luke really missed was bath time with Daddy. Since I breastfeed and I'm home all day with Luke, he and I get a lot of bonding time. Although J does hold him quite a bit in the evening, it doesn't seem to be the same as the time I spend with Luke. So J has been the one who gives Luke a bath. I'm mostly just in the bathroom to lend an extra pair of hands if needed. So it's time for the boys. J always turns on some music (like Eric Clapton or something of that nature) and as he washes Luke, I just enjoy watching Luke staring up into Daddy's eyes and smiling as he enjoys his bath and his time with his Daddy. Watching them together just really makes me feel all happy and warm inside.

Since we currently give Luke a bath every three days, I had to give him a bath only once while J was gone. I tried to do the usual routine. I put on some music (although it was my music, so Gaelic Storm and Glee and whatnot) and tried to go through the bathing steps the same way that Daddy does it. Although Luke did smile, he didn't seem to be smiling as much as when Daddy gives him a bath. So it was successful in that Luke got clean and he did smile, but I know it wasn't the same experience. And honestly, I don't feel bad about that. I'm glad that bath time with me was not as much fun as bath time with Daddy. It really helps me to feel like Luke and J really do bond quite a bit with bath time and I'm so happy that they have that time together.

So I made it through the week alone with Luke. And although I'm sure it will happen again in the future (and perhaps even some time for J alone with Luke if I go somewhere, although I'm not yet ready to leave Luke overnight), I'm definitely glad that J is back home.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween from Luke!

Sleeping Update

2011-10-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

Quick sleeping update. Luke has been having that one longer stretch of sleep at night for the past week, varying from 4 hours to 6 hours, which is fantastic. I haven't slept straight through the time as I still wake every so often and feel the need to check on him to make sure he's breathing (but since he's sleeping in a bassinet right next to the bed, I don't have to get up--I just reach over and check). But it's a really wonderful feeling to be able to stay in bed for an extended stretch of time.

I think that he's figured out that he needs to "tank up" a bit before bedtime as he's been eating more and more in the couple of hours before going to bed this week. Last night was the most I've ever seen him eat at one time. He just kept going and going. I was so afraid that he was just going to spit up a lot of it (as that happens sometimes), but he actually seemed to keep it all down. He started that feeding around 9:00 and we were in bed by 10:00 pm. We didn't get up again until 3:30 am!

The sleep after that time is usually only about two hours, maybe two and a half and he seems to want to either stay awake or sleep snuggled up on the couch with me after that, so we're still getting up around 6 am each morning for the day. I'd like to be able to have one more two-hour sleep session in the morning and get up around 8 am, but right now I'm just happy to have cut out one of the night feedings (sometimes he was even getting up twice during that time), so I think I'll just be happy with this schedule right now as it's not too bad at all.

Sleeping and Shots

2011-10-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

Two different topics but I thought I'd just write one post.

Luke has liked to eat frequently, which makes night time rather difficult with a lot of lack of sleep. He usually wakes up and is hungry after two hours, which I could occasionally push to three hours (and that is from start of feeding to start of feeding, not actual time sleeping, which is much less). Now that he's two months old, I wanted to try to get him to go a little longer at night between feedings if possible.

So on Saturday night I decided that instead of picking him up right away when he started getting fussy about wanting to eat, I would just try to soothe him (such as rubbing his tummy) and see if he would fall back to sleep. I didn't get to sleep the whole time (since I was soothing), but he managed to go a bit over four hours without getting up to eat. I was excited about that, especially if he could do it without me having to soothe him in the future.

But I was worried that it was a fluke. So last night I was happily surprised that he went almost four hours on his own (well, there was minimal soothing at a couple of points) and then another hour with me soothing him, for a total of just over five hours between feedings. I'm really hoping that we've hit a turning point and he'll be able to go longer at night.

I actually wonder if he figured things out yesterday because in the evening in the few hours before bed, he seemed ravenously hungry, like he knew that he needed to really fill up before bed time. He gulped down quite a bit and still wanted more. And he didn't really spit up very much, so I guess he really did want it all. So perhaps getting him filled up before bed is something else that I need to try to do to help him sleep longer during the night. So I'm crossing my fingers that he'll be able to keep going for those longer stretches.

And now the other topic: shots. Today was Luke's two-month checkup. He did really well. He's now 10 pounds 14.4 ounces and 22 inches (measurements from his one-month checkup were 8 lbs 2 oz and 20.25"). He's just above the 25th percentile for full-term babies and just above the 50th percentile on the chart for early arrivals, which is a more accurate measurement for him. Everything else the doctor checked looked good.

Then it was time for his vaccinations: two shots and one oral vaccine. I fed him right before he got the shots (supposedly breast milk has analgesics and so can help with pain) and J held him during the shots. He got one in each leg. He did start crying (with a little screaming) with the first shot but he calmed down after a short time. On the car ride home, he was so sleepy but he kept trying to keep himself awake. Once we got home, he took some short naps, but around mid-afternoon, he started to get really cranky and didn't want to lie down in the pack-n-play or even sit in his swing. He was okay if I held him (though he'd throw in a little cry every now and then). So I decided to go ahead and give him a dose of Tylenol. I think it did help a little but he still just really wants to be held right now, so J and I are taking turns this evening.

I'm not sure what this will mean for his sleeping tonight. Hmm...perhaps the two topics aren't so separate after all. Anyway, here's a picture of Luke today. You can see the band aid on one of his legs. He has another on the other leg. (And the onesie is appropriate, given his mood today.)

My Little Snugglesaurus

2011-10-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

Luke is two months old today. The time really does fly by. This morning I've been thinking about the question from this past week's breastfeeding support group (I've been going every Thursday; the leader usually starts us off with a question to answer when we introduce ourselves): what personality characteristics are you already seeing in your baby?

Luke has been a very well-tempered baby. He is happy most of the time and only gets really fussy when he is hungry (and he can go from asleep to starving in 30 seconds--which helped me answer another previous week's question in my breastfeeding group: what is one reason this week you are glad you are breastfeeding? My answer: how fast it is to get food to the baby because I don't have to go make and warm up a bottle, so I can soothe Luke right away.). He also smiles quite a lot (sure, you could say it's gas but since many of the smiles do seem to be directed at the circumstances, I think he does actually smile quite a lot).

But mostly, Luke loves to be held and loves to snuggle. He seems to be the happiest when he's in my arms, burying his face into me. He has a pair of dinosaur footie pajamas that say Snugglesaurus on the front and I think that's a great description for him (see picture). And he likes to snuggle with Daddy, too. The leader at the breastfeeding group has remarked several times that for most babies, other people can't hold the baby the same way that mommy can hold the baby (any hold that mimics breastfeeding) but Luke doesn't seem to be bothered by it when Daddy holds him like that and he'll snuggle with J just as much as he snuggles with me. I hope that Luke continues to be our little Snugglesaurus.

So after two months of mommyhood, I'm still tired (although we did have a longer - over 3 hours - period between feedings last night) quite a bit but still just amazed at this little guy and love watching him develop day by day. I'm sure the next two months are going to pass by just as quickly and he's going to be very different at four months than he is now just as he's so different now than he was when he was first born. I'm just trying to store up all the memories (and pictures) that I can and really living in each moment to enjoy it all.

Growth Spurt

2011-10-15T12:23:00.000-07:00

So I've survived (I think) a growth spurt. Thursday evening, Luke started to eat more frequently although Thursday night wasn't too bad. He ate not quite as spaced out as he had been during the night but it still was at least 2 hours between feedings. Then Friday morning came and Luke was ravenous. He was eating every hour or so. I barely got anything else done (which is fine, since I know this growth spurt eating schedule would end).

But last night was not so great. He started off with sleeping for two hours before getting hungry. Then it was another hour only before he cried again. I fed him in bed instead of taking him out to the other room like I usually do. Only 50 minutes later, he cried for food again. I went out to the other room, fed him, changed him, fed him again and put him back to bed. Not too much longer before he started fussing again, but this time the cry seemed different (not a hunger cry). I figured it might be gas so I tried to burp him and that didn't really work, so I just lay in bed with my hand in his bassinet rubbing his stomach. That seemed to help but whenever I stopped rubbing his tummy, he would start to cry again shortly thereafter. He did start to fart quite a bit so I was hoping he would feel better soon and I could get more sleep.

No such luck. I got up and tried to feed him in case he actually was hungry again. He ate a little but didn't really seem that interested. So I sat on the couch with him. He seemed a lot happier lying on his stomach on top of me so we stayed that way for an hour or so. He would sleep a little then wake up and whimper a bit then sleep a little more. Around 7 am, I fed him again (it had actually been over 3 hours since he really had eaten) and went to change his diaper, thinking that he had to have some major poo in there. But there was actually no poo (just a little streak).

I went back to the bedroom and put him back down and I think he was okay-ish (still not super happy) for about another hour. Then J woke up and after a while he tried burping Luke. He got quite a few burps out of him (and more farting) and Luke seemed better. He also finally had a really big poo.

I know that he's going to start transitioning from pooping at every feeding to once every few days, so it looks like along with the growth spurt, he's also changing his poop routine. I'd probably be a little fussy myself if I were in his shoes so I totally understand. And today he is super wide awake (though finally sleeping now) and happy. And he's back to feeding every 2-3 hours. So it looks like we've come out the other side of this growth spurt and we'll see what his poop schedule is like now.

I just feel a bit like zombie mom today. I tried to nap earlier but he's just too awake (and J went to see a movie). Now that he's asleep (and J is home), I'm finding myself unable to sleep. So I apologize in advance to my gaming group tonight as I think it's going to be another zombie night from me. Sorry! I will try to nap again before we head over there, but I'm not sure if it will happen.

Pictures from Grandma's Visit

2011-10-05T07:41:00.000-07:00

Grandma went home yesterday (sad). We had a good visit and I'm so happy that my mom got to meet Luke. Here are some pictures that we took over the course of her visit.

Grandma's Visit and Spitting Up

2011-10-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

Grandma (my mom) is visiting now so just a quick update. We're having a good time with grandma. Yesterday we went to the mall and were there longer than Luke goes between feedings, which means I needed to feed him while there. I still haven't done any breastfeeding in public (the closest was in the car in the Target parking lot last week), and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do it right out in front of people (even though I do have a cover). So I used a fitting room in Kohl's. It seemed to work well. (I did go to the bathroom to change his diaper, even though the changing table was very awkwardly positioned so that I practically blocked the door so it was hard for people to come in and out).

The other latest news is that Luke has been spitting up after he eats almost every time for just over a week now. It looks like he may have acid reflux, so we're trying to do things like keep him upright after a feeding for 30 minutes to help him out. I was worried at first that he might have something like a milk sensitivity, but I went to a breastfeeding support group on Thursday and the woman running it went through a list of other symptoms for food sensitivities (rash on body, blood in stool, green or frothy or slimy poop, etc.). Luke has none of those symptoms, so I'm feeling quite a bit relieved. If I had to cut milk out of my diet I don't know what I would eat as so much of what I do eat has milk as an ingredient!

I'll post some pictures with grandma a little later.

Major Output

2011-09-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

So this morning I had planned to take Luke to the library for the lapsit story time. I got him fed and just needed to change his diaper and get him dressed warmly and then we'd be able to leave. When I took off his diaper, he had quite a bit of poo, but he still managed to poo a little more as I was putting the new diaper on. I got that cleaned up, got another new diaper out, put it on him, snapped up his onesie and reached for his pants. As I was doing that last bit, I heard him poop some more. And quite a bit more by the sound of it. Unsnap the onesie, get a fresh diaper, open the dirty diaper, wipe him down. Oh wait, he now has to pee! Got the spray managed, cleaned that up, lifted his bottom for one more wipe down. He somehow managed to have more poo in him, so I had to clean up that mess. Good gracious, boy! What a mess! How on earth can you have that much in you??

Alas, by the time he was all cleaned up, we didn't have enough time to make it to the library so we didn't get to go to the lapsit. The library does do it three mornings a week, though, so I will just try again on another day.

Sleeping and Back to Game Night

2011-09-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

Saturday night was rough. Luke was waking up every hour and a half or so to feed (and that is measured from start to start of feedings, so that means it takes about 30 minutes to feed him so that was less than an hour between feedings). I was exhausted on Sunday and to make matters worse, I didn't really take time for a nap.

So Sunday evening J and I went over to our friends' house to resume our weekly game night (playing Dungeons 'n Dragons--normally it is Saturday but we moved it to Sunday this week). And I'm afraid that I wasn't as involved in the game as usual. It wasn't really Luke. He was happy much of the time in the little portable swing that we brought with us (I did feed him twice while there). And sure, I was a little distracted while watching him. No, the hard part was that I was so exhausted that I wasn't able to concentrate very well on what was going on in the game. And we did a lot more story last night than fighting, which means concentrating on what is going on was important. So my apologies to my gaming group for being a bit zoned out last night. I think I'll have to make absolutely sure that I take a nap during the day before game in the future.

So I was super exhausted Sunday (last) night. We got home a little after 9:00 and I wanted to go right to sleep. I fed Luke at about 9:30 and got us ready for bed. He woke up to eat again at 11:30. Two hours was better than the night before, but I was worried that it was going to be yet another short time between feedings night and I was dreading it a bit. But then when Luke woke up again, I looked at the clock: 2:30. My brain took a little time to do the calculation, but I realized that it was three hours! That was really great. We got fed and changed and back into bed a little after 3:00. The next time Luke woke up it was 5:30. Another three hours! Amazing! And although I still feel tired, I feel so much better today than I did yesterday! Let's hope Sunday night becomes the new pattern and Saturday night was just a fluke. *fingers crossed*

One Month Old (with multiple pictures)

2011-09-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

One month ago today, Luke was born. I know I keep saying this, but I can't believe how much time has already passed. So I took the opportunity to snap some pictures of him today. Here are some of my favorites:

I also took a few other photos over the past few days, so I thought I'd go ahead and post those here as well.

This one is from September 20:

And this one is from September 22--specially taken for Aunt Kelley!

First Solo Outing

2011-09-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

So one of the things I want to make sure to do as a stay-at-home mom is not actually stay at home all the time. So I found a couple of local moms' groups, including one that seems very active. There were a couple of events last week that I thought about going to but one coincided with Luke's doctor's appointment and I chickened out on going to the other. Part of the reason for that is because I had yet to take Luke out on my own. Each time I've gone out with him, J has been with me. So I've been a little nervous about that.

I knew that if I just did it once, then I would have confidence to do it a second time and a third time and so on, so this morning there was a breastfeeding support group that I decided to go to. For this moms' group, there is a group on meetup.com and so you RSVP if you are going to attend an event. I RSVPed last night, knowing that if I committed to going on the website, then I'd be much more likely to go and not chicken out this morning. And indeed that was the case.

So I got Luke all ready to go and put him in his car seat. I wasn't sure about getting that right because J has been doing that each time we go out. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be and I got him seated pretty quickly. I think it helps that he has grown a bit and actually fits better in the seat. I gathered up all our stuff and headed out to the car. The meeting was about a 10-minute drive away. It was a bit nerve-wracking to not have anyone in the backseat with Luke in case he got cranky or needed something. On the drive to the meeting, he was actually asleep and it was hard to not be able to check to make sure he was okay and still breathing okay. But we got there and Luke was just fine (still asleep).

I saw another woman across the parking lot wheeling a stroller so I decided to go ahead and pull out the stroller instead of trying to carry the car seat (the meeting was on the third floor of the building) especially since I'm still not supposed to carry anything heavy. I got into the building and found the room without any trouble. Inside was the lactation consultant and one other mom with an 8-week-old daughter. I got Luke out of his car seat and settled into a chair in the circle. Several other moms walked in with babies ranging from 6 weeks to 3 months and one mom with a one-year-old. The last mom to arrive had a little girl who is exactly a week younger than Luke (I also thought she looked a little familiar and at the end of the meeting, she approached me and told me that she was in my Latin class a few years back).

We talked about various questions that we had. One person asked about introducing a bottle as she's going back to work in 4 weeks but the baby currently will not take a bottle. There was some good advice in case J has problems giving Luke a bottle when I go to something like a knitting class. We talked about other topics such as thrush, and I asked about nursing in public and got some good advice. It was nice to talk with other moms and hear their experiences. This breastfeeding group meets weekly so I'll probably go back.

On the drive home, Luke was still a little hungry (although I had fed him during the meeting), so he was crying all the way home. I think I actually preferred that to his ultra quiet state because I knew why he was crying (hunger) and that meant he was technically doing just fine.

I felt pretty confidant getting Luke in and out of the car seat, carrying the seat to the car and putting it in the base, getting the stroller out and putting the car seat into it (we have a travel system), and feeding Luke and changing his diaper in public (although it was a very supportive group, obviously, it was still the first time I've done that in front of other people). So I think that I can definitely go to other meetings with this moms' group and I also feel like I can tackle going to the park or mall or somewhere else with just the two of us. It feels good to be able to get out of the house and not feel like I have to stay home.

Mother Goose and Nursery Rhymes

2011-09-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

This morning, I decided that Luke and I were going to read through some of the nursery rhymes in the Mother Goose book that he received during the baby shower. It was fun to read through the rhymes that I remembered from my own childhood, but for every one that I remembered, there were two that I had never heard before. And then there were a few that had some different wording from what I remembered. For example, for the this little piggy rhyme, I remember the last part being "This little piggie cried "Wee Wee Wee" all the way home." But the book has it as "This little piggie said "Wee, wee! I can't find my way home." Or take Baa, Baa, Black Sheep. I remember the line as "And one for the little boy who lives down the lane," but the book has "But none for the little boy who cries in the lane." So I think on some of them, I'm going to keep going with the words I know rather than what's written in the book. But I still had fun reading these to Luke.

After we read through the book, I looked online for other nursery rhymes and found a website with a bunch, so I picked some of the ones I was familiar with and read (sometimes sang) those to Luke as well. We'll definitely have to keep doing this each day. I also plan on reading him a new book each day; he's got a great collection already from the books that he got at the baby shower. Thanks to all our friends who gave him this wonderful start to his library.

Four Weeks

2011-09-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

Today Luke is four weeks old; at the end of the week, he'll be a full month old. I just can't get over how fast time is passing! Here are some pictures I've taken in the past week or so.

This one was on September 14, when we started swaddling Luke again for some naps during the day and definitely at night. He's sleeping a lot better now that we are swaddling him again. (Edited: I realized that I already posted a version of this picture in an earlier post, but I'll go ahead and leave it here anyway.)

Then this one was taken September 17 when we were going to go out and the weather was a little chilly that day. So we put on his A&M hoodie. Gig 'em!

The next day, September 18, Daddy and Luke were cuddled up on the couch together. I guess Sam decided he wanted in on the cuddle action!

Part of our outing on the 17th was to get some long-sleeved onesies in size 0-3 months because the newborn clothing was starting to get a little tight on Luke. On the 19th, I put him in his first size 0-3 months outfit:

Although there are a lot of cute clothes that he'll get to wear in this size, it's sad to have to give up some of the clothing he's been wearing since he came home from the hospital. Here are some of the onesies that are getting too tight that we're going to have to take out of his wardrobe very soon:

Finally, today was his checkup with the doctor. He did beautifully; the doctor kept using the word "perfect" so it sounds like all is going well. At his last visit two weeks ago, he weighed in at 6 pounds 12.5 ounces. Today, two weeks later, he is now 8 pounds 2 ounces. He also grew about 3/4" in length (he's now 20.25"). So there's the proof that he's definitely getting out of the newborn size clothing. Part of me is sad to see him growing and not being the tiny baby that he was when he was born, but the other part of me is proud of him for growing so well and excited about seeing how he'll develop over the next four weeks.

Walk to the Park

2011-09-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

Before the weather starts to turn really cold for winter, I realized that I wanted to take some walks outside with Luke. So this afternoon, J and I took Luke out for a walk. I had planned on driving up to the park we used to go to with a walking track around a pond, but J said we would just walk to the park that is near us. So we set out from our house down the street.

I've always noticed that parts of the sidewalk are very rough and unkempt, but it's definitely a different experience when you're pushing a stroller over those rough sidewalks! But we managed to make it over the rough parts and Luke seemed to be just fine with them (he slept through the whole walk!). But it started to sprinkle a little just as we got to the park itself. I didn't want to risk being caught in the rain (plus I didn't want to overdo it since I'm still recovering from the c-section), so instead of going into the park, we turned around and went home.

I'm a little tender around my incision area, so I'm thinking that was a good idea, but I do wish we had been able to spend more time actually at the park itself. But that's something we can try again in the future, and I definitely want to walk outside as much as possible before the weather turns cold. I think it's good to get Luke out of the house and it's also good for me and J as it allows us to get a bit of exercise in and we both need it.

The Cats

2011-09-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

So before Luke arrived, J and I were trying to figure out how we thought the cats would respond to the baby. When we first brought Luke home, both Guenevere and Sam came up to the carrier and sniffed but ran off as soon as Luke moved his arms. They mostly stayed away from Luke for the first few days. Lately, Guenevere and Sam have been getting a little braver and have started coming near Luke while we're holding him and sniffing him. Here's Sam this morning investigating Luke's feet:

But Merlin has mostly been ignoring Luke. I think that he's the most jealous or hurt by the baby because unfortunately we've been spending so much time taking care of Luke that we've been neglecting the cats. And poor Merlin seems to be the most upset by this neglect and seems to really crave attention, but not when we're holding Luke. Guen and Sam want attention also. Sam is starting to just take it. This morning he curled up next to me while I was holding Luke and started purring and cuddled next to my leg. Guen has been coming to J when he's not holding Luke and getting some attention. But Merlin only seems to ask for attention when we're in bed and ignores us during the day.

I think I need to make sure that I'm not forgetting about my fur babies while I'm caring for my human baby. I know that we've really changed our cats' world and although they seem to be adjusting well overall, I don't want them to think that we've abandoned them. So I'm really writing this post to remind myself that I need to pay more attention to the cats--especially Merlin--so that they still get the attention and love that they need and deserve.

Swaddling

2011-09-14T12:23:00.001-07:00

So when Luke was born, the hospital used a sleep sack that has a part to swaddle the baby. We got a free sleep sack to take home and we purchased a second one.

After the first week, we were having problems getting Luke to keep his arms inside. Ultimately, I tried not swaddling him and he seemed to be just fine, so we stopped.

I've been reading The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp (which is fantastic by the way--for anyone with a newborn or expecting, I highly recommend it). The first step in his calming sequence is swaddling.

So I tried swaddling Luke last night. He had been making some noises between feedings the past few nights and it kept waking me up to check him, which definitely is not good for my sleep. Last night? He slept rather peacefully between feedings and I was able to get more sleep. And I know that I got better sleep because last night I actually had a dream for the first time in a while.

So for nap time today, I took a regular blanket and tried using it to swaddle Luke. I just woke up from my hour+ nap (and Luke is still asleep although he's starting to stir a little).

So I guess that means we're back to swaddling. And perhaps getting a bit more sleep, which is really exciting.

Due Date

2011-09-14T08:30:00.001-07:00

Today is the date that Luke was actually due. I had worried that I would go beyond this date and be late (I even thought my SIL might have her baby first even though she is due at the end of the month).

Instead I am sitting here holding a baby who is 3 weeks and 1 day old. Thank you, Luke for arriving early. These three weeks have been great especially compared to my last few weeks of pregnancy. I was so miserable with severely swollen feet and barely able to sleep or move around. I didn't want to think about 3 or more weeks like that, so I am thrilled to have the little guy outside rather than inside these past few weeks.

I'll miss feeling him moving around inside me, but I don't think I'll miss anything else about pregnancy. Actually holding Luke is a thousand times better.

The only part I need to adjust is the idea that I have an August baby after being focused on September for so long. But that shouldn't be too difficult.

On the Eve of My 35th Birthday

2011-09-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Luke will be 3 weeks old and I will be 35 years old. I've found myself doing a fair bit of thinking today and wanted to try to get some of my thoughts written out (these thoughts are a bit sappy, so I won't mind if you decide to skip over reading this particular blog post).

As I sat down this afternoon with Luke lying on my chest, sleeping peacefully, I felt rather blissful. I remember talking to my best friend, who has been a stay-at-home mom, about becoming a stay-at-home mom myself when I was making the decision over whether or not to accept the job offer. One of the things I was most worried about was that I would find myself to be bored during much of the day. She assured me that there was always something to do and she really did not feel bored. And after just these three weeks, I can say that I have not felt a minute of boredom so far.

Exhaustion, yes. But not boredom. I could (and have) honestly sit for hours just watching Luke sleep. I don't really notice the time passing. I am mesmerized by the faces he makes in his sleep. And when his eyes are open and he is just looking around the room, I find myself just staring at him (and talking to him) and not caring that the dishes haven't been washed, the floors have not been vacuumed, or even that I have done very little knitting in these past three weeks. Being Luke's mother is more than enough for me right now.

And I found myself wondering today why on earth we didn't start a family sooner; why we waited so long for this to happen and to have these feelings. Why on earth did I spend so many years in graduate school if I didn't plan to use my degree (I do plan to do a limited--by geography--job search this year, but I'm not seeking a job as intensely as I was in the past three years)? I could have been a mother for years already.

And yet I don't think that having a child years ago would have worked out as well. I feel that it is only now that I am truly ready for motherhood. I have cultivated my own life, getting a higher degree which was very fulfilling, and learning more about myself and who I am and what I love. My own self-building is by no means over--I plan to continue to cultivate other parts of me besides being a mother--but I am much more confident and comfortable in my own skin than I was even 3 or 5 years ago. So these years have not been a waste; it was necessary to work through those years to get to this point where I feel like I can truly devote myself to my son while still being who I am and not completely losing my own identity.

I have to admit that I was pretty sure that I would suffer through postpartum depression and I wasn't sure how I would make it through that. And if I had had a child years ago, I probably would have done so. But now, I feel no depression whatsoever. I feel amazement and wonder and happiness and peace. Don't get me wrong: I worry about stuff and I am quite tired from lack of sleep, but my mood is in a very positive state.

So as I reflect upon the past 35 years (or rather, one day short of 35 years), I feel that I am at a good place in my life. Do I have any regrets? Somewhat. Going to grad school caused us to make some sacrifices: on a grad student salary, we don't have as strong of a financial backing as we could have had were I to have been working full-time all of these years; we have been unable to make J's dream of owning a sports car come true so far (it's still something we plan for); we do not own our house; and most importantly we live far away from family and would really like to be closer to them.

But all of those things have led up to this point and I don't think that I would be where I am now--with a nearly three week old baby sleeping against my chest (in a Moby wrap) making me feel happy and whole and complete. I love J and have loved being able to spend the past 11 married years together with just the two of us, really working on building our own relationship, but the expansion of our family just makes it even better. I don't know what the years ahead have in store for us--a house, a sports car, a move back toward family, or perhaps only some of those things and many surprises--but I am looking forward to finding out with my husband and my son by my side.

First Solo Night

2011-09-12T04:52:00.000-07:00

Because J has been able to have time off work, we've been tag teaming the nightly feedings. I feed Luke and J burps him and changes his diaper. But today J went back to work, so to help him not be too exhausted for work, I tried doing the nightly feeding, burping, changing on my own last night (knowing that I could always wake J up if necessary).

The first time went well and I got back into bed happy with the thought that it hadn't taken very long and now I could sleep for a couple of hours. I noted that 2-3 hours would be between 1 and 2 am. Right at 1 am, Luke started getting fussy. The white noise didn't completely quiet him and the pacifier wouldn't appease him, so I figured that he was hungry or his diaper needed changing. I went to try to feed him. As soon as I sat on the couch, he promptly fell asleep and wouldn't be enticed at all to wake up and eat. So I held him for a little longer, but he kept sleeping. So I put him in the pack-n-play and went to lay on the couch for a while. Nearly an hour later, he started fussing again and this time he definitely was hungry. So I guess I got a little too eager earlier and he just wanted a little attention or something to be able to get back to sleep. I'll have to learn to read his cues a little better in the future.

So the feeding went well and I felt him go poop during the feeding, so I went to go change him. That's when things got interesting. Apparently he wasn't done pooping. As soon as I started to slide the clean diaper under him, he pooped some more. I cleaned that up and more poop came out. At that moment I looked at his face and noticed that he was also spitting up. So I tried to clean up both ends (thank the gods, he did NOT start to pee during this time because that would have definitely been too much!) and thought everything was under control when, what do you know--more poop. So I just put some paper towels under him and he continued to poop for a little while longer. Finally he finished and I got a clean diaper on him (and a clean sleeper as poop had gotten on the back of the other one).

Back to bed for another 2-3 hours until the next feeding (which went just fine). Although it was definitely an adventure and a learning experience, I'm happy that I was able to do it myself without having to call on J because while he's at work, I'm not going to be able to just call him in from the next room to help me with Luke, so I need to be able to handle him on my own. Hopefully today will go well with J at work.

In other news, we noticed yesterday that Luke seems to be having a lot more awake and alert times during the day than he had been having. So it looks like it's about time to break out the books and a few toys to help stimulate him during those awake times. And I need to figure out how to wear this Moby wrap so I can wear him during the day and still have my hands free. I'm excited to have more awake time to spend with my son, but I know it's going to be even more challenging to get anything else done during the day. But I can always wash the dishes or do the laundry after J gets home from work and can spend his time with Luke. So I'm going to enjoy my day with my son.

Grandparents Visit

2011-09-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

J's parents came to visit this past week and left this morning. I was really happy that they got to come up and spend this time with us and meet Luke. They also helped out a lot with taking care of meals and my MIL was amazing in our yard, finally getting our jungle in the flower beds under control. I can't put into words how much of a relief it is to know that the yard looks so much better now, especially as I still won't be able to really do much yard work myself for a few more weeks.

It was sad to say goodbye to them and it really makes me want more than ever to get back to living closer to them (and the rest of our family). But we did get some pictures taken before they left.

Here's Luke with Grandpa (wearing a Team Grandpa onesie).

And Luke with Grandma and Grandpa.

And the first picture of Luke with me and J all together.

My own mother gets to come visit at the end of the month, so I'm excited about that, too. I just wish that Luke would get to spend more time with his grandparents (and aunts and uncles and cousins).

Oh, and here's a quick picture with his eyes open.

Stomach Sleeping

2011-09-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

So putting the baby to sleep on the back is recommended these days to help prevent SIDS, so Luke goes on his back to sleep. But he really does seem to prefer sleeping on his tummy, so whenever he is a little upset and I'm able to be right there watching him, I've been putting him on his stomach at times. So today he was a little fussy and didn't want to sleep so I flipped him over and he went right to sleep and was quite happy.

In other news, we had a friend drop by today to see Luke and he slept through her whole visit. Alas that she never got to see his beautiful blue eyes. And I realized that his eyes have been closed in practically all the pictures I've posted, so I'm going to try to get his picture taken while his eyes are wide open so you guys can all see his eyes. His doctor thinks that they're going to stay blue, so I really hope she's right.

First Bath

2011-09-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

Since Luke's umbilical cord stump came off on Tuesday, this morning J and I gave him his first full bath (instead of a sponge bath). We filled the tub with a little water and put him on the bath board thingy (I don't know what it's officially called) and J got in the tub with him. In some ways it felt a lot like the sponge bath, just a little easier because we had the water right there easy to hand to soap him up and rinse him off and didn't worry about him sitting on the hard counter. I think Luke wasn't quite as impressed but he wasn't too squirmy so we were able to get through the bath fairly well. Here he is all wrapped up in his towel after his bath:

One thing you also might notice in this picture is the pacifier in his mouth. We wanted to wait to introduce a pacifier until he was well established with breastfeeding (since using the paci involves a different type of sucking that breastfeeding) and he seems to be doing really well, so we bought him his first pacifiers yesterday. And as I expected, he really has taken to using one (and is still breastfeeding just fine).

Usually during the nighttime feedings, I would feed him first, then J would burp him and change his diaper. We hoped that by doing that, we would get him to wake up a little more and have a second helping (and thus perhaps sleep longer between feedings). But he didn't seem to want the second helping as much and doing the diaper change right before putting him back to bed seemed to not go well because then he was too awake to go right back to sleep.

So last night we decided to reverse the order and this time J changed his diaper and then I fed him. Since he usually drifts off to sleep when he's done feeding, this seemed to worked rather nicely and he went back to sleep much more easily last night. Also, he didn't use the pacifier a lot during the night but it was helpful the few times that he started to get a little fussy between feedings. So although it was still a night of broken sleep (eating every 2 or 2 1/2 hours), the time in between feedings seemed to go a lot better.

Two Weeks

2011-09-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that my little boy is already 2 weeks old today. The time really has seemed to fly by really quickly. And my life has definitely been revolving around Luke for these past two weeks with very little time online and no time for knitting, yet I haven't minded so much. I know that in a little while when we get more adjusted, I'll be able to spend a little time doing other things (although not nearly as much time as I had before). But I don't mind giving up some knitting time to spend time with my son. I can spend an hour just holding him and looking at his face while he sleeps. It's the best hour in the world and I am constantly amazed that this little boy is my son. Here he is today at two weeks old:

Today was a doctor's appointment and I was really eager to see how much weight Luke had gained in the past week. And it was definitely a good weight gain: one whole pound! So he's definitely eating well and getting what he needs. Breastfeeding can be difficult at times because you can't see exactly how much he is eating; you just have to go by the sound of swallowing (or in his case sometimes, gulping) and how much time he nurses. So it's a relief to know that he's eating enough. Everything else checked out okay as well. And his umbilical cord stump finally came off. It was still hanging on by just a little bit, but we were afraid to pull on it in case it still wasn't quite ready to come off. The doctor gave it a slight tug and off right away. So I guess that means we get to learn how to do more than just a sponge bath for him.

Yesterday I had an interesting experience while doing my daily pumping (to build a freezer supply). I started pumping and saw that it was going okay but slowly, so I started reading some posts on Ravelry. The next thing I knew I noticed that my pants seemed a bit wet. Yeah, I had filled up the bottle really quickly and it was overflowing. Oops! I guess that means I'll need to pay more careful attention while I'm pumping in the future.

As for myself, I'm feeling a lot better although I'm still a little tender. I have a doctor's appointment for myself on Friday. But everything seems to be healing okay. I do still have some itchiness on my feet and some on my thighs but it's a lot better than it was even just a couple of days ago. But I'm having issues with finding pants in my closet that fit. Apparently my hips really expanded and so a lot of the pants, even maternity pants, that I wore several months ago are a little tight. So today I went ahead and purchased a pair of maternity khaki pants and maternity jeans in the next size up just so I can have pants to wear (without feeling all squeezed in) for right now. Hopefully as I continue to recover, my hips will change back a little and I can try my old pants again. I don't mind so much if my hips stay as they are because it's not bad, except for the idea of having to buy all new pants. But we'll see what happens and I'm so happy to have two pairs of pants that I can wear now.

Odds and Ends

2011-09-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

Since I didn't start this blog until Luke was 12 days old, I have missed some of the details of each day, so I thought I'd just try to collect several thoughts in one post.

We had our newborn care class the Saturday after Luke was born so we took him to the class with us while everyone was surprised that we had already had our baby. Although we had already been doing some things (like changing diapers), we did still learn a lot from the class so it was good that we went.

One thing we learned, which comes from The Happiest Baby on the Block, is that it is actually very loud in the womb, so noises such as a vacuum cleaner or hair dryer are actually quite soothing to the baby. One suggestion was to use white noise. When we got home, J looked up iPhone apps and found one that played white noise as well as some other sounds (like the vacuum and hair dryer). It costs 99 cents and was the best investment we've made so far. Usually if Luke is upset and we can't seem to calm him in any other way, playing the white noise helps him sleep. It's amazing.

While in the hospital, Luke spent most of his time swaddled (using a Halo Sleep Sack) and he seemed to like that. But then he realized that he really loves his hands (he likes to have them free and also to suck on them). So every time we swaddled him, he would struggle and strain to get those arms free. It seemed that he decided he had had enough of being swaddled. So after a night of him not going to sleep very well, I decided to try not swaddling him. He slept really well that night, so we hadn't swaddled him since.

He sleeps like this now:

First visit to pediatrician: We pulled up to the office and just as we entered the parking lot, Luke decided to dirty his diaper. So I filled out the paperwork while J changed him. While changing him, Luke decided to poop some more. So he had already pooped quite a bit. Then came the exam and the rectal thermometer. He somehow managed to find more poop and as soon as it was inserted into his little butt, he promptly pooped it right out! Later, during the doctor's inspection, he decided to pee on her. So it was a poop and pee filled visit! But he checked out just fine, so that was good.

Breastfeeding and caffeine: I learned that having a Dr. Pepper with my dinner meant that Luke would be up for half the night, bright-eyed and refusing to go to sleep. Yeah, that was a fun night. He got super upset if we turned out the lights and even the white noise wouldn't soothe him. So I sat with him in the living room with the lights on while he looked around at everything he could see until finally around 1 am when the caffeine started to wear off and he finally closed his eyes and went to sleep. New rule: no caffeine after noon.

And here's a picture from today of Daddy and Luke taking a nap together:

Photo Session

2011-09-01T11:44:00.000-07:00

So I wanted to get a good picture of Luke to use for his birth announcements. I set up a little backdrop (one of his blankets), got out my camera and tripod, and found Luke awake, alert, and happy. At least he was the last one until I put him into the scene. Then he got super fussy and I got pictures such as the following:

I did manage to snap a few good pictures:

And I got a few with some of the hats that I had knit for him:

Luke's Poses

2011-08-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

One thing I love to just sit and marvel at are all the poses that Luke puts himself in and the facial expressions that he makes. This one is one of my favorites. He loves to prop up his head with his hand like this.

The Hospital Stay

2011-08-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

The hospital used inclusive rooms so that everything from labor through postpartum was done in one room (well, everything except the c-section). There was also a place for J to sleep, although it really wasn't very comfortable. We could choose to have the baby room with us or go to the nursery. I definitely wanted Luke with us.

The first night I don't remember a lot because I was still confined to bed and recovering from the surgery. A lactation consultant came to visit and helped me figure out how to feed Luke. J pretty much did everything else. We had room service available. The first night I ordered a cheese pizza but ate only one slice. It did feel good to eat that one slice though after having just had ice chips for most of the day.

The next morning, I was able to sit up and finally (with help from the nurse) get out of bed and go to the bathroom. It was really hard to get up that first time but it got a little easier (though never truly easy) to get up each time after that. I found myself unable to really concentrate on anything so I didn't do any reading or knitting and barely opened my laptop at all. Instead, I spent the time feeding Luke, watching Luke sleep, or holding Luke. I tried to nap here and there as well.

We were given a handout about the "second night" that basically said that this night would be one of the hardest as the baby would be really upset that night and just want to be held. And that was indeed true. We took turns that night holding Luke while the other one tried to sleep. He definitely didn't want to be put down at all. The nurse that night suggested that we send him to the nursery so we could get some sleep, but I did not want my poor boy to be separated from us when all he wanted was to be with us. She did convince us to let her take him to the nursery for a little while, though, to get through the hearing check that he needed to have. So we were both able to sleep a little during that time, but I was relieved when Luke was brought back to the room.

Breastfeeding was challenging and I had a couple of moments where I completely understood why some mothers just can't do it and give up. Fortunately, the hospital had amazing lactation consultants available; otherwise, I might have given up myself. But with their help, we got through these first few days and both Luke and I seemed to be growing more confidant about his feeding.

My doctor told me that I could go home that third day if I wanted to. But Luke had some jaundice and he needed to have his blood drawn that afternoon and the next morning. Plus I was enjoying having the room service and the nurses and lactation consultants within easy reach, so we decided to stay until the next day. I think that extra day of help with breastfeeding was really important so it was a very wise decision.

Finally, the day to go home arrived. It felt very strange to be leaving the little cocoon of the hospital room (J had gone home several times to check on the cats and get stuff from home) since I hadn't left it since arriving that Tuesday. I hadn't turned on the TV at all during that time (except to watch a couple of educational videos) and hadn't really been keeping up at all with what was going on out in the world. I definitely enjoyed that time when it was just me and J and Luke (and the hospital staff), but I was also eager to get home.

I love Luke's facial expression in this picture!

So it was a great hospital experience; I felt well-cared for and had access to a lot of good resources.

Pregnancy and The Birth Experience

2011-08-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

We found out that I was pregnant on January 10, 2011. Although I had been hoping the pregnancy test would be positive for several months, it was a bit of a shock for it to finally do so--although a very happy shock. Pregnancy wasn't too bad at first, but then I started getting some morning sickness (although the nausea fortunately didn't last long each time). The second trimester was good with quite a bit of energy. Then I hit the third trimester and all the energy went away. I was tired all the time, my feet were so swollen that I could barely fit shoes two sizes larger than normal on them, and I wasn't sleeping well. I was miserable. The only part of the pregnancy that really made me happy was knowing that we'd have a little boy soon and being reminded of that each time I felt him move. Those were the moments that made it all worthwhile and I really loved feeling that movement each time.

March 22

August 8

In August, we started taking our childbirth classes, beginning with breastfeeding and then going to the actual childbirth class. We also had a car seat inspection to make sure we were installing the bases and the seat correctly in both of our cars. On August 20, we had our baby shower (hosted and attended by wonderful friends who helped start the baby's library with some fantastic books). My MIL even came up for that weekend to attend the shower and left on Sunday (August 21). On Monday (August 22), we did our tour of the hospital delivery area. We knew we'd be back in the area the next day because I had my weekly doctor's appointment. Our newborn care class was coming up the following Saturday. We ended up actually taking our newborn to that class!

I missed my weekly doctor's appointment because I went into labor just over three weeks early. That Tuesday (August 23) morning, a little before 5 am, I got up for one of my many bathroom visits. Upon pulling back up my underwear, (sorry for TMI) I noticed that my panties were wet. I got fresh ones and almost as soon as I put those on, they were wet as well. At first I was worried that I had lost control of my bladder, but it turns out that my water had broken and it was coming out in a slow trickle. My contractions started about 30 minutes later. I didn't really have any "warm-up" contractions (or if I did, they were light enough for me to have slept through). When they started, they really kicked in and although I didn't time them precisely, they were already about 5 minutes apart at that point. I decided to let J sleep in just a little longer (his alarm usually goes off at 6:00) and I tried to remember what else I needed to put in the hospital bag (it was only half packed). I finally couldn't wait anymore and woke him up at 5:57. He helped me get a quick shower (although it was a rather miserable experience) and we finished up packing (except for his own hospital bag). We made it to the hospital around 7:00. It took a little while in the lobby before I was admitted (my pre-registration papers hadn't been sent in yet--in fact, they were in the mailbox to go out that day but I remembered and had J grab them from the mailbox before we left the house). I was clutching the counter, bending over and trying to get through each contraction.

I was sent to triage first where I was hooked up to a monitor. The contractions started coming faster. They determined that I truly was in labor (and about 3-4 cm dilated) so I was admitted to a room (the labor/delivery/recovery/postpartum all happened in the same room with space for a guest to sleep). The contractions just kept coming and I was finding it difficult to really concentrate on my breathing. And poor J kept trying to help me but I wasn't really letting him. Sorry, J!

I had recently decided that I really wanted to try to have a natural birth or at least hold out for an epidural as long as possible. I was concerned that often one intervention (epidural) would lead to another (pitocin) which would lead to another etc. until ultimately a c-section was the only option and I really didn't want that to happen. I had been reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth but I was just then getting to the chapter on actual childbirth so I didn't fully have the resources ready to help get me through the contractions without intervention to handle the pain.

And honestly, the pain of the contractions was bad, but I could have gotten through that. What did me in was just how close together they were. It got to the point where I had not even a minute of rest between contractions. Just as I would get to the point where I felt I could breathe a small sigh of relief, another contraction was coming. After something like 5-6 hours of just not having a break, I was exhausted and I was worried that at that rate, I wouldn't have enough energy left in me to actually push when it came time, so I broke down and asked for an epidural.

It was nice to just be able to relax after the epidural had been administered although I was disappointed that I wouldn't be doing the birth naturally. But I was still determined that no other interventions would be needed. Unfortunately, that wasn't the way it worked out. I got to 10 cm fairly quickly after that but the baby's heart rate had been dipping low every so often, although it did keep going back up. So I got ready to push. And I pushed. Gosh, it's hard to do it for a full count of 10 without breathing! But I really tried. The baby wasn't really coming out. The doctor had me get into a different position (on my hands and knees). I pushed some more. It was actually a lot easier this way and I felt confidant that now I would be able to do it. But the baby's heart rate dipped again and this time it didn't come back up. Because the baby was in distress, the doctor decided he needed to come out right away (the way he was positioned at the time was keeping him from coming out and causing more distress) so she said we needed to do an emergency c-section.

Before I really knew what was going on, I was being rushed to the surgery area (they left poor J behind wondering what he should do and where he should go). I was prepped for surgery and given more drugs through my epidural. Someone started poking my stomach to see if I could feel it. As soon as they poked without me saying that I felt it, the doctor started cutting. Eek! I didn't feel the cutting at all, but the tugging and pulling I definitely felt and it was really not a pleasant experience at all. I almost started crying right then because it was a horrid sensation and also I was realizing that this birth experience was not going the way I had wanted it to at all. But then they pulled the baby out and he cried right away. That was a wonderful sound, even though I couldn't see him.

J was finally able to get into the room after the baby had been taken out and put in the warmer area. I was being stitched back up and I do remember them bringing the baby beside my head and asking what his name was. Luke. Luke Alexander. Then he was taken away to get cleaned up and checked out. J was able to stay with him the whole time. I was taken to a recovery area. A nurse brought Luke over to me at one point for his first breastfeeding. I really don't remember it at all because I was still groggy from the drugs. I was also shaking uncontrollably and my mouth was so dry (and I had to wait until I got back to my room before they would allow me to have even ice chips). J and Luke went back to the room and I eventually got to go there. J witnessed his first bath and learned how to change his diaper. I unfortunately missed that experience, but I'm glad that J was able to be there. In fact, if it weren't for J, I don't know how I would have made it through because he really took over a lot of Luke's care in those days in the hospital while I was most bound to the bed recovering from the c-section. I think it really helped him to bond with Luke, so for that I am happy.

So although the birth experience was not what I had planned, it did end with a healthy baby boy and that's really all that is important.

August 23, 2011

1:53 pm

6 pounds

19 1/2 inches

[Note: I am backdating these early entries; this one was actually written on September 4]